What do you all see as the pros and cons to being a working mom vs. a stay-at-home mom? Please keep in mind that I don’t want anyone to be offended by any of the statements made here, but I do want honest answers… please just give your opinion based off of your own experiences, since I’m sure that everyone’s situation is different and only each person can make the decision of whether to work or stay at home for themselves according to what’s best for their family. I’m trying to decide that for myself (I don’t have an option right now because I’m in the military, but will be able to choose very soon).
The only problem is if you’re a career woman who likes to work and feel awkward not working. Some people just have to work. Money can also be a big issue. We are stretched to our limit, especially with the way the economy is. But that’s when you have to bargain shop, and cut coupons, and make sacrifices.
I am a stay at home mom, and I love it. I have plenty to keep my busy (cooking, cleaning, playing with Gabriel, teaching Gabriel, shopping, etc). The best part is that I get to spend every waking hour with my son. I get to see every one of his firsts, and I get to teach him new things and watch him learn so quickly. He doesn’t get sick from all the other kids at daycare, nor does he pick up their bad habits. I can raise my child the way I see fit, not according to a daycare’s schedule or curriculum.
I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It can be hard sometimes b/c I am in school, and I have to do absolutely everything around the house, and I have little help from my son’s dad (with housework or Gabriel). He thinks that he can come home and take it easy since he works and supports us. I agree to some extent, but some help would be nice from time to time. But I am just glad that I can stay home, no matter what it entails.
I work between 60 and 80 hours a week ina very erratic schedule and honestly I would love to be able to stay at home with my son. However, because I have a higher earning potential than my husband he is very adverse to the idea.
I think the benefits of working out of the house include that when you get home you are fresh for your children. You may be tired from work but having been away from them all day you are excited to see them and make every moment count. So the time is low in quantity and high in quality. Whereas some people who are at home all day are so tied up in the cooking, cleaning, shopping etc that their child is with them all day, yes, but the time is not as high quality.
On the other hand, there are those people who get home from work and just sit on the couch ignoring their children. As well as those people, likely most of the people on this forum, who stay at home and try to fill the day with high quality child enriching experiences.
If you are someone who would fall into the last group and are able to stay at home then I think you are probably the best teacher for your child and would be doing them a service by being with them all day.
I’m a Mom who works outside the home (all Moms are working Moms!!). I am the primary earner income-earner in our family and financially it is not an option for me to be a professional Mom (aka stay-at-home). I am very blessed to have an amazing team of people helping me with raising my son Conor who is 2.5 years old. My Mom who retired from being a pediatric nurse is with my son 3.5 days per week. She attended the Doman/IAHP course with me before my son was born and is completely on board with the intelligence programs we do. A dear friend who home schooled her children and attended the Doman/IAHP course 24 years ago spends 1/2 day with my son. I spend a 1/2 day on Friday with him as well as early mornings. My Dad walks 2 to 2.5 miles with Conor 3 times per week which is an amazing gift! And my husband rounds out the ‘team’ by being home everyday at 5:00 p.m. (I get home around 6 to 6:30 p.m. because I like to spend extra time with my son in the morning when he is in a better learning mode). My husband is a great parenting partner – he is better at the physical programs with Conor. I focus more on BITS, books, etc…
I am grateful that I can balance my need to work outside the home with my parenting. I love coming home to Conor each evening (what a welcome!) and I love leaving him each day knowing that he has caretakers who sincerely love him and know that he is a little genius who is worthy of being treated/talked to like an intelligent person. Being a working Mom has forced me to become very organized with Conor’s programs. We have a daily log listing all of Conor’s reading, BITs, Math, language, art, music and physical programs along with his nutrition/eating and other “observations” I get daily feedback from my Mom/friend/hubby about Conor’s day, progress, interest in programs, setbacks etcs and when I get home Conor and I “talk” about his day. That feedback is critical to tailoring Conor’s programs as we go. It is also gratifying to see Conor “light up” when I ask him questions about activities he did during the day. And, of course, I speak with him by telephone at least once per day so we stay connected.
Sundays are a little hectic as I prepare/finalize his new materials for the week. Being almost 8 months pregnant with our second child, I’m slowing down a little now but I enthusiastically look forward to spending extra time with Conor (and of course our new baby) during my maternity leave. There are times that I wish I could stay home full time and there are times that I can’t wait to get to work. On balance, however, I know that Conor is having an amazing experience with all his different teachers. It may explain why he is very social and affectionate. Just this Friday morning, we had a “team Conor” meeting to talk about his programs, areas for improvement, new materials, etc… After the meeting, I had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude because Conor has such a quality group of people who love him and want to teach him.
Life will be quite interesting as we welcome Conor’s little sister in January. No doubt we’ll have challenges in adjusting to our new family member. However, with a strong team like we have, I’m certain we shall overcome those challenges.
I don’t know what it is like to be a full-time professional Mom. I know my friends who do it - love it! So I can say that professional Moms have my sincere respect and appreciation. It is a truly noble profession. I try not to envy what I don’t have, but to be grateful for what I do. I don’t always succeed, but today is one day when I’m feeling grateful for the life I’ve created for my son as a working Mom.
Great topic.
Marie.
Marie, you are very lucky to have so many wonderful people looking after your son. I would never trade my professional mommy job, but it would be nice to know that if I had to work, I had people who would look after him with the same intentions as I have for him.
Hi there,
I am a stay at home mom and love every minute!!! I know that I am soooo fortunate to have this ideal circumstance. One thing that my husband has always said is that no one can love and look after your child/children like you can. So we have tried to make it possible to be home for my son. My husband works a stones throw away from the home and is always poping back for tea and to check how we are getting along. It does mean we don’t have all the latest stuff or many luxuries, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world!
TABS
I believe I have the best of both worlds. I work from home & mainly schedule appointments for when dd is sleeping.
eiremk - Wow!The support you have is incredible!
I was a stay at home mom with my own 3 children, and because I had very little help and support from my husband I was always tired and resentful. He did not want me to work outside of home, and I felt that at 21 my whole life was just disappearing before it had even started! Unfortunately my attitude had a negative effect on my children. Eventually after 18 years I started working again and was retrenched 2 years ago after 15 years in the same job!
I now have my foster baby and send her to creche in the mornings. I also have help from my husband. What a difference I have found. I am older, wiser and have much more patience with the baby. We also seem to have forgotten all the lovely little things about a baby that just make us happy parents. One big problem is that we are now on the ohter end of the scale and are really too old to take on such a small baby.
Oh well, only time will tell, but the joy we have with this little “angel” has been worth every minuite.
Malma (aka mad mother)
You can work at home.
True, although then the hard part is figuring out what to do from home. Plus, you have to have a space to work from, time “away” from the child anyway, etc. But it is an option. Such a touch decision to make!
I am currently a work-at-home-mom (for the past 3 weeks!). Used to work in office for 40-50 hours a week.
I love the current arrangement as my younger boy’s at playschool from 8am to 5pm, while my older boy will be at home.
So, less chaotic in the day while I work. And I can make sure my DS1 spends quality time to complete his assignments and play his toys (instead of watching tv).
Am less tired and there is no need to spend time to commute.
My lunch is healthier with home cooked food and I spend more time talking to my 5 year old.
The only thing is that I won’t get to wear pretty clothes or be able to socialise with my peers. And I need to stay highly motivated while working alone as I still need to perform at work.
karma to everyone i think moms are incredible
i am a stay at home mom
trying to work from home (a few hours a week)
i was working full time before the baby and never thought i’d be a stay at home mom
it was very hard for me to stop working, i was depressed and angry
also people acted like i wasn’t really doing anything with my life
it’s a big decision but i think i made the best one
no daycare can give your child the love and support that you can
there is so many books and studies about home being the best place for kids
by favorite book about staying home is “home by choice”
of course we don’t have the kind of money that i would like
i have not been to the Doman/IAHP course because we never have the money
but i feel very lucky to be able to be see my child grow
sure i don’t get to shop anymore but i never miss a smile
my husband is very supportive and try’s to work at home as much as he can
i couldn’t do it without him
by the way Marie i think you have found a amazing plan that works for your family
with that great team of people helping you i am sure your son is amazing
Wow! You are all incredible moms!! I can tell you love your children and that you are doing what you think is best for your family. I think that is what really counts. 
I am a SAHM and love it. I have 5 boys and homeschool them. We’re also involved in a lot of things at church, so, like y’all, I keep busy and hardly ever have a dull moment.
The pros to staying home is getting to be with my boys. I personally feel that it is a mother’s calling to raise her own children. And I tend to agree with tatianna that home is the best place for kids. (But I understand that it is not possible for all moms.) I feel like time goes by so quickly and I like getting to teach my boys and watch them grow. I like getting to be the one who personally sees the first steps … and the crazy ideas they come up with. My kids like me and know they can come to me whenever they want. I like that.
The cons …sometimes I do get tired and don’t appreciate my kids like I should (like linzy said). Thankfully I am often reminded of how blessed I am to have them and get to be with them. My husband is really nice and will give me some time off. I go out to lunch with a friend or go out with my sister. Then I can hardly wait to get back home. (Maybe I’m just a homebody.) Another con is that our budget is rather tight. Can’t usually get the cool stuff (but we always have enough to eat, clothes to wear and a nice cozy home and the boys end up using their imaginations to make up for the stuff). I’d like to work at home, but I don’t think I have the time.
If you have to choose, choose what you love to do and what you won’t regret. Thinking long term helps me. What will I think when I look back after I become an older grandma? Will my children grow up and called me blessed?
Keep up the good work ladies! Keep loving those children. I know at times it can be hard work. Y’all are an encouragement to me by the way you express you love for you kids in your situations.
I used to watch some kids in my home because the moms had to work (They were really good, loving moms. They loved their kids and their kids loved them). I remember one more thing they used to tell me. They said that they wished they could stay home when the kids were sick. But if the child was sick often, or they had already used up their sick days, they couldn’t take off. They felt bad leaving a sick baby, even when they knew they’d be taken care of.
Ladies,
This is a great discussion! Thanks for all the positive feedback about how I’ve set things up for my son as a working mom. Recently, a SAHM who has raised 9 children told me that it really only takes 1 - 1.5 hours per day to teach a an elementary school curriculum to a child. That inspired me as a working Mom that I could actually manage to have significant input into my son’s education. I truly view school as a supplement to his education and so I’ve been thinking about how to structure my day to maximize my teaching with him. Any suggestions would be very welcome! I am already considered “reduced time” in my job, and would love to “reduce” the time I work some more next year. Hopefully, I can.
Thanks again,
Marie.
I returned to work on a part-time basis with flexible hours, a year ago. I find that this way I can get out and socialize with my collegues and have some free time and at the same time give my children the attention they need.
I work the hours when all my 3 children are at school.
Marie
you can absolutely teach a an elementary school curriculum in 1 to 2 hours a day
i think it’s wonderful that you view school as only a supplement to his education
i am a home education consultant and i posted quite a bit on this topic
http://forum.brillkids.com/teaching-your-child-other-topics/if-you-did-how-did-you-decide-to-homeschool/
if you have any questions feel free to ask
tatianna
i’m a working mom right now. i left my baby when she was only 5 months old and i really miss her that time when we were away from each other… 
You only start work recently? I think I am too let go. Not really will think of him when away from home. He is not only 3.5 months :blink:
But once I touch him after carry him back from nanny house, I will reluctant to put him down.
i’m a both. i basically stay at home or take my son with me everywhere. i work as a yoga teacher, so m schedule is set by me and has been very flexible since his birth in august.
i have a sitter who is with me (same building) while i teach so i can nurse him if i need to.
i couldn’t NOT work. i love my work and it is good for me to do. but, i also love being with my son basically all the time. it’s really wonderful.
right now, i only teach two classes per week and two private lessons. during the classes, i have a sitter for one and my ILs come for the other and watch him. during m private lessons, he comes with and they love it!
so, it works out great for us. i couldn’t work ‘full time’ as i couldnt’ stand being away from him for so long, but i can’t not work either because i love my career so much!