I think consistent boundaries are extremely important, not only for the discipline of the children, but for the sanity of the parents… Discipline is the skill of conveying to your child what behavior you expect, the benefits of desirable behavior, what behavior you will not tolerate, and the consequences of misbehavior. It also involves having the wisdom to consistently carry this out. Discipline is not something you do to a child, it is working with a child.
I like what Dr Sears said about disciplining young children ;“Appreciate normal toddler development. By the time your child is four years old, you will have the equivalent of a college degree in your child’s discipline.”
Children need boundaries that take into account their capabilities at each stage of development. A twelve-month-old will need and expect different boundaries than a two-year-old. Again, Sears mention that “a strong will is a sign of health. A child needs a strong will to achieve all of the milestones of the following months and years. If she had no will, how would she ever be able to take all of the tumbles and spills and get right back up to try again?”
Develop the wisdom to say no. When children have clear boundaries, they can proceed with growth and development instead of wasting energy dealing with uncertainty. As parents we are to be in charge of our children, but not to the extent that we control them like puppets. Rather than being threatened by independence, a wise parent will find ways to channel the child’s behavior.
Convey who’s in charge. Be consistent in your discipline, and remember that lasting discipline requires persistent effort. For example, Your child is about to handle a forbidden object. Rather than shouting from your desk, go to him, take him by the hand, look him in the eye, get his attention, and show the young adventurer why this behavior is not permitted. Sound firm and offer an alternative. Try to remember the golden rule of discipline, and treat your child the way you would like to be treated. Even a toddler in an obstinate mood will find it hard to resist warmth and fun.
Put balance into your discipline. Give your child enough slack so he can safely test the waters. Give him a chance to mess up. If you routinely keep the rope too tight, he’ll never fully learn what he can do, and he will never fail. It is from his parent-supported failures that he will learn. Rather than prohibiting a child from climbing, for example, make the environment a safe one in which to climb.
Create a child-considered environment. One of your roles as disciplinarian [of a young toddler] is to be on safety patrol, keeping one reach ahead of those lightning-fast little hands. You may find it easier to simply raise everything movable up a few feet for a few years, rather than constantly raising your voice to a monotonous “No!” And reserve no’s for the big things.
These are just some points… I think studying to become a wise disciplinarian will make life easier for yourself and is a valuable inheritance to leave your children.
