hey kimba,
definitely a delicate topic, no? hmmm … i don’t recall how old she is, but here are my two cents - not based in anything but experience and my gut - so, no promises. it sounds like she’s hitting the self-aware perfectionist stage of ‘giftedness’, the one where she begins to judge herself, doubt herself, and reduce confidence in herself because of the realization that she won’t get it perfect right away. btw, i think the whole giftedness thing, in case you haven’t already read from other posts of mine, is a bit rubbish, since i think all children are capable of ‘giftedness’, but that’s a completely different topic thread. anyway, ‘gifted’ children tend to fall into this sort of trap where they realize that they are being judged for being so ‘good’ at xyz. being good at xyz and (all things) becomes their identity - how they receive attention/value (what’s biologically drilled into us as necessary for survival). people praise them, things come easily, and then a fear of failure and resistance to trying set in … bc if they try and fail, then, ‘oh no! what does it mean? (i’m no longer special? what is my identity? i have failed at what gets me attention, i am not worthy?)’. what’s in parentheses is not what a child can usually put into words, but emotionally it can lead to this. i still recall how much i hated, hated, hated whenever my mother would ‘brag’/mention an accomplishment of mine to anyone. it was horrible. in hindsight, it was normal for her to mention such things, but it always made me feel pressured to perform, so much that i became a quitter. yup. i’m still overcoming bad habits instilled from that time in my life. sigh … i digress.
good gifted education specialists realize the importance of creating an environment where such children are encouraged to try bc if they can’t learn that it’s ok to make mistakes then … well … i’m sure you can imagine how that’s just not going to be ok for a productive life.
so here’s a good paragraph from http://www.nagc.org/index.aspx?id=659 (i’d encourage you to check the rest of it out)
4) Good teaching for gifted learners requires an understanding of "supported risk." Highly able learners often make very good grades with relative ease for a long time in school. They see themselves (and often rightly so) as expected to make "As," get right answers, and lead the way. In other words, they succeed without "normal" encounters with failure. Then, when a teacher presents a high-challenge task, the student feels threatened. Not only has he or she likely not learned to study hard, take risks and strive, but the student's image is threatened as well. A good teacher of gifted students understands that dynamic, and thus invites, cajoles and insists on risk-but in a way that supports success. When a good gymnastics coach asks a talented young gymnast to learn a risky new move, the coach ensures that the young person has the requisite skills, then practices the move in harness for a time. Then the coach "spots" for the young athlete. Effective teachers of gifted learners do likewise.
and number six from the gifted child’s bill of rights, reprinted at http://blogs.edweek.org/teachers/unwrapping_the_gifted/2007/11/a_gifted_childs_bill_of_rights.html is:
6. You have a right to make mistakes. again, i encourage you to check out that blog. good stuff.
like i said before, i haven’t been trained on any of this (yet), but i’d probably back off with that approach and try another way, like we do when they’re younger. take the pressure off … consider a new strategy to accomplish the goal. i had to remind myself last week that i’m an adult, but even i like being read to … so after getting similar replies from joey, i started reading to him again, instead of him reading (to me). initially, he just let me … i think he really enjoyed the attention, but after a few sessions, he started wanting to take over again. since he was born, my mantra has been “when he’s 20”. by then all of these ‘issues’ should be long resolved, no? i’m not so sure about the readers that you’re doing, but here’s what i know: we love our kids and they are wonderful children. it’s ok for us to give them a little space now and then and follow their lead. they often surprise us. for me, the important thing is that they continue figuring ‘things’ out and making connections. this can be accomplished with math, science, reading, cooking, sports, story-telling, etc. i just try to keep the wheels churning and the flame that fuels the passion for learning alive. everything else, i have faith, will fall into place.
hope some of that helps. off to write another paper, but it was good to check back in on you (even if briefly)!