I’m newly pregnant with my first baby and am looking at different parenting books but there are so many I don’t know where to start.
Which books did you find the most useful and which the least and why.
Also are there any particular parenting methods you found better than others. I figure the more info I get now the better I will be later on,
Thanks!
Hi, Congratulations on your pregnancy!
The best advice my Gynae gave me, was to buy one book ONLY and stick to that book. Each book gives you different advice, and by the end you don’t know what to believe /do
I bought a book called Baby Sense, but I am not sure it’s available internationally. It’s a super short book, punchy and provided everything I needed to know. I received so many other books as gifts but did not open one of them, so unfortunately I can’t give you a good review.
However, I have heard “what to expect when youre expecting” and that whole series (first year and first 5 years) was quite good.
Good luck with the search!
I have the “What to expect, the first year” and would definitely recommend it. I was so impressed that I bought “What to expect, the toddler years”. I have to admit though and I haven’t used the latter book as much though.
This is the best book I could ever read when I was pregnant!! I learned so much…
What’s Going on in There? : How the Brain and Mind Develop in the First Five Years of Life
I totally recomended!!
The ‘what to expect’ books are great and universal. For great infant care info, my go-to is ‘Elevating Child Care’ at http://bit.ly/92q4Ec
“Baby 411” by Denise Fields and Ari Brown, MD
“Happiest Baby on the Block” by Harvey Karp
Congrats!!!
Anything by Dr.Sears. I wish I had found his books while i was pregnant instead of when my son was already 4 months old.
Glenn Domans books
and of course like others have said What to expect when expecting
My favorite parenting books:
Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Laura Davis and Janis Keyser: This book really helped me understand toddlers emotions, their perspective, and how to communicate to help them understand their own emotions (emotional intelligence.) The discipline techniques are gentle and respectful of children emphasizing natural consequences and communication rather than punishments and rewards. This book is loaded with practical advice giving real life examples to demonstrate effective methods. My favorite parts are part 2 children’s feelings, part 4 difficult behavior, chapters 23-24 social learning. I think that I may have found some of the other chapters more useful when I was pregnant but my kids were 22 months by the time I read this book. Their website also has several fantastic articles to browse.
Playful Parenting by Larry Cohen (preview) Very fun to read the real life examples of how to use play to connect with children. The preview is a must read, the book gives more examples but not much more in theory.
Hold On To Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate (preview) I prefered Hold On To Your Kids to Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn (preview) but both books are similar. Other people may prefer UP. They really complement each other and arrive at the same conclusion by different arguemnts. I have even heard some people recommend reading one right after the other, but your reading list is getting long so I just recommended my favorite. Both are heavy in theory and probably good to read when prengnat or when the kids are older. I prefer the more practical books when the kids are babies or toddlers.
My favorite general parenting threads in this forum:
http://forum.brillkids.com/coffee-corner/brilliant-kids-lack-confidence-the-perils-of-praise/
http://forum.brillkids.com/coffee-corner/bullies-and-victims-labelling-toddlers/
Alfie Kohn, Unconditional Parenting. The subtitle is a provocative challenge to raising children. He won’t give you any fast and easy tips, but he has amazing LONG TERM strategies for helping children develop into adults. I’ve read many many parenting books and I always come back to Alfie Kohn.
I like Alfie Kohn and Sears too.
My other recommendations would be
Robin Grille - Heart to Heart Parenting and Parenting for a Peaceful World
Sarah J Buckley - Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering
Pinky McKay - Sleeping like a Baby and Toddler Tactics
I also loved Jean Liedlow’s The Continuum Concept.
Congratulations! You are right that there are so many choices, and it can be overwhelming. I think that what books you read has to depend on what style of parenting you feel comfortable with.
If you prefer to go with an attachment parenting style, and would like to try things such as co-sleeping, babywearing, babywearing, etc, Dr Sears is very popular.
If you don’t want to co-sleep, and would prefer to try to get your baby to sleep independently, but would like to follow some of the other attachment practices, reading the no-cry series of books by Elizabeth Pantley may be more comfortable for you.
If you would like to go with a bit more of a sleep training style, getting your baby to sleep independently, and trying to follow a bit more of a routine, you could try The Baby Whisperer books by Tracy Hogg.
Of course, none of these styles may feel completely comfortable to you. In that case you have to choose what from each style of parenting works for you, and combine them. 
I liked The Happiest Baby On the Block and Happiest Toddler on the Block, by Harvey Karp, but found that for me, his writing style was a bit hard to get through. I have never read any of the “what to expect” books, Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldortbut, and books by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, but have heard good things about all of them.
Good luck on your search!
Thank you so much for all the recommendations. We are aiming towards a more natural approach so I think maybe attachment parenting??? I think we will probably mix and match a bit though because I don’t know how practical some stuff will be. I guess a lot is just trial and error but I’d like to read a few different books and see what resonates before the baby comes.
I’m only at the start of my parenting journey but I have found The Continuum Concept to be a great read. I don’t think it is all that practical in our modern world but it’s given me an idea of some of the things I can do like the in arms phase etc.
I also found Gentle Birth Gentle Mothering a great book which covers pregnancy, birth and babies.
How exciting
The Mothering forum is great for attachment parenting. Most of the books that were recommended here I have also seen there although I haven’t read them all many are on my list to read. Books.google.com is a great place to see extended previews, sometimes over 40 pages, of many books and is one of my favorite sites to visit when I’m considering books to read. The library is also a great resource, and you may even find some of these books and authors in audio or video format which are usually condensed and go much faster. You can also ask your library about interlibrary loans and I have found some amazing resources that way.
P.S. I went back to my original post and updated it with more info about the books I recommended to you, including links to previews!
I would agree with “a mommy” and say that it totally depends on what parenting style you think you will lean toward. We had huge success with the Baby-wise series (which actually goes all the way to teenagehood) and Ferber, which are, I believe, very different from the Dr. Sears style. It is work at the beginning, and it takes some fortitude to implement, but our baby slept through the night by 6 weeks, and is a very happy baby because he and everyone around him is well rested and ready to interact when he is awake. We love him to pieces, and do hold him a lot, but not all the time… he is also happy to play by himself for extended periods of times, up to 20 min now (at 6 months) without requiring any intervention, and to me, this is a true sign of secure attachment… to know that we are “there” for him, but not necessarily the minute he wants it, so he has developped coping and age-appropriate self-control skills to wait and make himself happy without expecting to be picked up instantly. In the morning, he is awake well before we come up for his first feeding, but he is happy to babble to himself, which in my mind is an important, unstructured time to develop imagination etc.
A lot of the ‘method’ is focused on schedules (which become more flexible as he gets older), which foster a sense of predictability, of a mix of interactive play and independent play, of encouraging self-soothing, of setting age-appropriate boundaries. I would say it is for more traditional parents, and I have to say we too needed the predictability so we could integrate our baby into our life while rearranging some things to meet his needs in a way that was manageable for us, instead of what I felt was to stop living altogether (I was raised in France, so this may be a cultural thing), but now we have an older baby who is very pleasant in public (definitely an expectation in France), and actually quite adaptable (we took him hiking, on a plane, swimming lessons, etc). During the swimming lessons, the teacher was amazed on how cool, calm, and collected he was…and he acquired the skills in 4 weeks instead of 6 to 8 weeks. So what can I say, it worked for us! :biggrin:
PS: I would also agree with people who said to stick to one or two books that are compatible, otherwise, you will drive yourself and you child crazy. Children need consistency as much as love, so keep that in mind
oh, I forgot to mention the “happies baby on the block” video. Just a few life-saving tips on soothing newborns (up to about 3 monhs). It works wonder: Swaddling, shushing, side, swinging, and (in my case didn’t implement) sucking. I knew about swaddling and shushing, but putting them on their sides and gently swinging work great too!
I would also recommend The Happiest Toddler on the Block. Anything by the Sears Family of doctors (they subscribe to the Attachment Parenting style). Diaper Free Baby was also a great eye opener. Montessori From the Start is helpful for early development. And of course the Glenn Doman series. As your child grows I think its important to keep reading. I know with my 12 year old, I read lots about pregnancy and babyhood, but then started winging it, but there came a point where I realized I needed to know what other parents were doing. Therefore I would recommend the Love and Logic series. I also got great ideas from Parenting with Dignity. I dont agree with Rivka that you should only read one or two books. There is no “right” way to parent. Every child has a unique set of needs, thank goodness nature has provided him with his own unique parent, you! The most important thing is to trust your gut. You know your child better then anyone else -phd or not-. Read it all, take from it what feels right to you, leave the rest in the book. Sometimes, you’ll try something today and fail miserably, but tomorrow gives you another opportunity to try it again. Babies change daily, and you’re parenting skills will have to do the same. I think its better to be loaded up with an arsonal of new ways to handle situations.
Good luck!
I agree with tammtamm21 that it never hurts to read a lot of different books but with an eye to what feels right for you.
Personally I read both Ferber and Babywise and have to say that I reacted quite strongly to both as it went completely against everything I believe about babies and children. It is also worth noting that last year Ferber wrote a retraction stating he now believes much of what he wrote was wrong and apologised to those who may have followed his advice. Having said that others swear by them so I think it is a case of finding what suits your child.
One thing to be aware of is the misconception that Attachment Parenting is the same as Permissive Parenting and that your children will dictate your life. This is a completely false assumption and in my experience is quite the opposite. Most attachment parents are able to take their children everywhere and anywhere and the children become very comfortable in all manner of social situations and are less inclined to melt down. We have never had to decline an invitation or consider whether it fits in around our child’s sleep schedule because she is used to sleeping in slings or her pram now she is bigger (or even on a blanket at our feet) amongst the action.
On the other hand I have seen many, many families who have had to leave early or not come at all because their children need to be in bed by a set time in their own environment or they completely lose the plot.
Anyway just wanted to mention that because time and again I hear that attachment parenting means you need to revolve around your children and I believe this is not healthy or sustainable long term.
Wow so many thoughtful responses. Thank you all so much for taking the time to give me your ideas and recommendations.
I have ordered some of the books you have all recommended and will post back here if I have any other questions.
Rivka, thank you for explaining why you found Ferber and Babywise helpful. It is really thought provoking and I like how your child is so obviously not lacking in attachment or confidence. I still think I am leaning towards the attachment parenting scale but I don’t think we will ever be complete attachment parents as I think a bit of balance is a good thing.
Thanks again everyone.
First and foremost, I want to wish you a wonderful parenting experience, as this is a very exciting time for you, regardless of what method you choose.
Secondly, I want to quickly mention that the second edition of Ferber includes some clarifications (no apologies given or necessary). As evidently with the attachment method, there are just a lot of misconceptions, but the book received a 4 out 5 star rating on Amazon.com with 468 reviews as of today.
Best regards,