Kimba,
Thanks for joining in the discussion. I’ll give you my comments:
“I am a mother of two little girls who are early learners and so many times I have held them back because of my fear of them being so far ahead and starting Uni at 14 or 15 just scares the heeby jeebies out of me.”
I don’t blame you…it would be the same for me. I think what I would do is keep them at least 2 years ahead in math (more is fine), but still at their grade level, or maybe one level ahead. For math, even if you finish Saxon Calculus when they’re in 9th grade, it’s not the end of the world…they can take a break for a few years before starting college (they’d still be playing math games in school, so they won’t forget much). Then, maybe at 16, you start them in a community college or commute to a 4-year school. In that environment, the kids generally leave each other alone, so from a safety aspect they should be good. When they’re 18, then they can go to a 4 year and live there (if it makes sense). They’ll be freshman-aged, so they should be able to handle it, even though they’d be taking upper level classes. That what comes to mind for me.
“As it is my eldest daughter has been accepted to start school almost a year early and has started reception or what you call kindergarten at age 4 instead of 5. She has taken to it with gusto but I now think into the future when she goes to uni she is going to be almost a year younger than everybody else and not being able to go do the stuff other uni kids can do or getting mixed up in group more to social naivety rather than smarts.”
Based on what I wrote above, I would try to keep her away from living at college until at least age 18. Being a year younger in primary/secondary school may or may not work, it probably depends on the girl. For college, I think that living in a dorm was my biggest mistake, so if there’s some way to have them avoid that, it would be best (i.e., even a 4 year college is good, if the kids can live at home while they’re young). The social end of it should be addressed outside of school (i.e., church, for example), if at all possible.
“Unfortunately that is a real reality for girls even though they do mature quicker than boys do. I feel horrible that as a parent at times I have held her back because of this fear of what ‘could’ happen to her as an adult and largely felt that the reason I haven’t home-schooled her is because the system will slow her down and the internal debate continues.”
Your first job as a parent is to protect your kids…that simple. If you get them through their childhood without the nasty traps (drugs, pregnancy, etc.), and get them a decent education, you win (and they win). You really won’t slow them down permanently anyway - as they get old enough, they’ll do great anyway.
“I do send her to an excellent Montessori school which I love but have spent weeks frustrated with even to accept Sophia at the level that she is at.”
Welcome to the club. You must understand that having an advanced kid, you (and the kid) are troublemakers. You people are distracting the cohesion of the class. You are the enemy. Well, that’s how the school look at it. But that rubs off to private schools and even Montessori. You have to get to the mindset where your kids are getting their education at home, and “school” is really daycare. We did that with David and it made life much easier. And we told David the same, which was to feel sorry for the other kids whose parents weren’t teaching them and to be patient as they tried to learn at school.
“I think it is a point that at times I have held her back because she is a girl and I am afraid of what will happen even if it is unlikely to happen. I have worried that she would not be accepted by her intellectual peers because the age gap was too big. But this is silly talk. You make a very valid point and I don’t think it is sexist at all.”
It’s not sexist. The same concerns are for boys too and you have to provide for their social lives in any case (for David it was church). As far as being accepted by older people, that is possible, but the kid has to behave at that level - in other words if he’s a silly, giggly, type, the older people will quickly tire of him. But if he speaks like an adult and acts that way, then things can be better.
“Once they go to Uni and even if most Uni courses are online if they are going to do Medicine or Law they have to show up to the institution and I can no longer protect them especially when they are under-aged.”
Now that is silly, as they should be adults by the time they’re in med school or law school (although I wouldn’t wish law school on my worst enemy, they way that is now). Anyway, if the girls are simply going to class and acting mature, they’ll be fine. It’s when they’re out of your control, like in a dorm, I’d really worry.
“I have started her on ixl for her to do after-school and that is not that tough for her. She is flying through it and I think it is time for something harder. I appreciate you making the above point and I think I need to challenge my own perceptions and allow her to fly than to worry about what will happen if XYZ happen, and think what sex she does not matter I have no right to hold her back because of it.”
No, you have the right and the responsibility to hold her back, if you cannot convince yourself that she’ll be safe in her pursuits. So do what you can, but protect is always first (and yes, we were exactly the same with David).