Do you read classical stories to your toddlers and if so what kind of reaction do you get and how do you deal with their responses and questions?
We bought my daughter a child’s version of Bambi the other day and she asked for it last night. Even though it is a child’s version I had to tell her the story rather than read it as it is a bit long for her. After I told her the story she spent two hours turning the pages and asking repeatedly about the mother deer who got shot and the “Daddy” who then came to look after Bambi (well thats what we told her to try to make it more understandable for her and less traumatic - I think Bambi entirely on his own would have upset her more) She only went to bed at 21:30 because of that story and when she woke this morning the first thing she asked for was that book and she turned straight to the page that clearly bothers her the most.
I know the classics deal with more mature issues than are usually addressed to young toddlers these days - death, starvation, illness, abandonment and so on. How do you address these issues with children less than two years old and still keep them feeling safe? Do you not read the classics at all? And which classics do you think are suitable and which not?
My daughter has seen a dead bird in a lake before and that also fascinated her and she wanted to keep going back to look, but she doesn’t understand the concept of death and the finality of it - how do you explain these things to your children?
Interesting point, which goes beyond the question of reading classics, to the question of what exactly do we explain to our children and at what age.
For me, I would explain virtually everything she can have some understanding of, and that’s pretty much determined by age in terms of language comprehension.
We’ve talked about many subjects before, including the subject of birth and death (and beyond! ), and obviously exactly what we say would depend on our own beliefs. But my point is that it’s not something I would avoid talking about on the basis that it’s too hard to explain.
I think that from age 2+/3, Felicity had enough language comprehension for me to explain almost anything to her already (or at least what she asked about especially during her “WHY?” phase), although much of it is in a ‘dumbed down’ / simplified version of the full explanation. We’ve covered topics like life/death (as mentioned), money, poverty, morality, etc. etc. etc. I’m glad she hasn’t asked about the details of making babies yet cos I’m still not sure what I would say - I’ll have to ad lib it if/when the moment comes!
One point to note is that as a matter of principle, I would try my best to stick as closely to the ‘truth’ as possible (for example, I certainly wouldn’t be using the stork story to explain babies!). I believe that virtually everything can be explained in a way that does justice to the true facts yet in a dumbed down/simplified version.
I think that we have a big opportunity, for better or worse, to make a big impact in how our children sees the world, and so I’m try to make the best of this opportunity.
i read a few older books like Mary Poppins, AA Milne or Kipling and even in those i am very sensitive to some phrasing that would have been acceptable at the time of writing but now, are fairly racist. it definitely takes some quick reading at times to make sure you can avoid some of them. my dd is only 2 and i know she can’t understand the meaning of the statements it is inappropriate for me to read them to her. if she can take in and use words like ‘cactus’ and ‘persistent’ then i am not about to mess with ill conceived notions of other cultures.
Even some nursery rhymes aren’t all that great (like “The Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe”) but I still read them to my daughter. At this age she doesn’t know what some of the stuff means. If you aren’t comfortable with parts of the story, you can make it a little less scary. (Like “She KISSED them all soundly and put them to bed.”) This comfort level is different for each parent/family.
As far as explaining things to my children, I always do my best to give them an answer. I don’t think some things like life, death, money, etc. have to wait until they are older. My opinion is that I want to start the lines of communication now, especially about difficult things, when they are young and they just know to come to me for answers and discussion. Hopefully this will continue when they are older and more serious topics come up.
For example, we pass a cemetery on our way home each day and my daughter recently asked what it was. Some people might just say a garden because of all the flowers, and in some ways that would be an easy answer. But I talked about death and did my best to explain it in a non-scary way, but in a way she could understand. We each have different beliefs, so I won’t put mine up here. But if you are open to my explanation you can PM me and I can give you more details if that will help.
Thanks - I also believe in telling my daughter the truth about things. She will have to come into contact with this at some point anyway. At the same time she does seem quite sensitive particularly to the thought that something can be gone forever. I do not want to scare her unecessarily - life is tough as it is. Books do open an arena she may not come into contact with in the real world and I imagine I will have to be sensitive to this a lot as the years go by - I know my mother suggested my sister read Oliver Twist (the unabridged version) at age 6 - I don’t think that is appropriate either unless it is accompanied perhaps by a study of the times when the book was written.
I have read many of the classics to my son. And I just let him ask questions as they come. Often times I will simplify parts of the story to make it easier for him to understand the point. If he has questions about life, death, stealing, abandonment etc…I answer them honestly, but in as comforting a way as possible. Once I give an explanation then I ask if he understands or has more questions. If he does we just keep talking until he seems okay with the idea.
I’m pretty frank about things so I’ll probaly end up just saying how it is, “like bambi’s mom is dead and she’s not coming back…sorry kid.” I’m not going to sugar coat it. Life isn’t peachy. It’s tough and darn near challenging.
), and obviously exactly what we say would depend on our own beliefs. But my point is that it’s not something I would avoid talking about on the basis that it’s too hard to explain.