1. Everyone pretends they can’t hear
Aagh, the embarrassment of accidentally doing a massive parp in the women’s toilets. Luckily, everyone in the cubicles around you will pretend they didn’t hear it. No such luck with your child though, who will be in hysterics at ‘Mummy’s bottom burp’.
2. Your child will have a meltdown at the sight of the hand dryers
Toilet hand dryers are one of the top phobias for kids (well some of them are very loud). Meaning she will refuse to step foot in the public loos if she spots one. And then promptly have an accident while you’re trying to convince her to go in.
3. You will freak out if the toilet water touches your skin
It alway happens: your child will press the flush while you’re still peeing, giving you a gross ‘shower’ of public toilet water.
4. Your child will open the door while you are mid-wipe
You’ve waited inside the cubicle while your child has been to the loo. But she will have no such patience. And while you wipe after a quick wee, she will – without fail – open the door … giving the queue a full flash of your nether regions.
5. You will get loo roll stuck to your shoe
Or you will forget to do up your zip. Or accidentally tuck your skirt into your knickers. (Come on, there’s a zillion other things to focus on when you’re a busy mum.) And be completely oblivious until you get home … an hour later. Oops.
6. Your child will look under the cubicle doors
Privacy is out when you take your child to the women’s toilets. Take your eyes off her for a second and she’ll be on her hands and knees peering under the cubicle doors. The shame.
7. Your child will announce very loudly ‘Mummy’s doing a poo’
You will have done the classic ‘trying to disguise the sound of doing a poo in a public loo’ with a cough or by shoving some loo roll in the toilet. Yet your child will scupper this instantly with her foghorn announcement that ‘Mummy’s doing a poo’.
8. She will throw your tampon into the next cubicle
Your child instinctively knows when you’re in the middle of a heavy period … and only have one tampon left in your handbag. She will grab the tampon before you can stop her and throw it into the next cubicle. Cue a silent – but sisterly – exchange as the person in the neighbouring cubicle rolls the the tampon back to you.