For breakfast, there will be only milk from my sippy cup while I’m watching television (see section II).
From breakfast until what you probably call lunch, I will be provided with an unending supply of cookies. No arguments.
For lunch I will eat yogurt. Anything containing fruit on the bottom will make me pick out the fruit and throw it on the ground or else throw it up on your carpet.
a. So no fruit on the bottom.
4. From lunch until dinner I will enjoy having something to lick. Why not a lollipop? Why not seven?
a. Between licks, I may place the lollipop on your grandmother’s Turkish rug. This will be ok by you.
5. For dinner I will have macaroni and cheese. Any attempts to give me vegetables in addition to the macaroni and cheese will result in tears.
a. And don’t you dare hide anything in the cheese sauce, because, my God, how you will rue the day.
6. After dinner, you may provide me with ice cream.
a. No frozen yogurt. Trust me, I know the difference.
II. TELEVISION
The TV will be on all the time, unless I say differently. You are to sit by my side, quietly, hands folded in lap, while I watch my shows.
a. You may arise to fetch me a snack.
2. No diaper changing or pleas to engage in physical activity will be tolerated during watching of television.
3. Turning off the television will result in much kicking and screaming.
III. TOYS
There will be many.
a. They will always be strewn about the house so that I may simply reach down and pick up a toy, no matter where I am.
b. They will be loud, complicated, and contain many small pieces. I enjoy shooting noises that so w-shooooop! Or zim zim zim.
c. Nothing that results in any type of learning, please.
IV. FRIENDS
They should be available whenever I’m in the mood to use someone else’s toys or ingest someone else’s cookies.
a. These friends may not ever so much as look at my toys or cookie supply.
b. Ever, ever, ever.
V. SLEEP
Is when I say, where I say, and how I say. If I want to sleep upside down with my legs locked around your neck, then that’s how it will be.
a. And you will enjoy it.
VI. AFFECTION
Occasionally I enjoy being hugged and kissed. I stress occasionally.
I will not be pelted with wet-mouthed assaults on an hourly basis. Should you feel the need to hug or kiss, you must provide me with a written request.
a. And then wait for me to offer my pudgy cheeks.
Signed: X
I came across this contract in a current issue Parents Magazine. My mom pointed it out to me thinking it was cute. After reading a few lines, I realized that this is such a sad place to be. It was written to be funny, and it would be if it weren’t so true. Many parents today are slaves to their children’s wishes and desires. They jump through hoops to accommodate their children and keep them from having temper tantrums. The part that is sad to me is that this is not how parenting is supposed to be. Being a parent is meant to be the greatest experience of our lives. We are meant to have children that love and obey us because we are the parents. When a relationship flows in this manner, there is no greater bond than the one shared between parent and child. The children trust the parent because they know that they are doing what is best for them. They like the structure in their lives and they are happy to know there are set boundaries that are always enforced. I would love to hear your comments on this article.’
Yep… I agree. When I became a parent, I went to the La Leche League (great breastfeeding support group) where I was introduced to the idea of attachment parenting. I still agree with their philosophy for an infant, when all their cries ARE for needs… but as they get older, they are also crying for wants and I find that for myself, the attachment parenting philosophies got translated into ‘make sure your little one never cries’. We got into some habits that just don’t work anymore when you have more than a couple of children to look after… also, I find that the latest children we have are actually more happy and secure than those first couple of children ever were. Just one example: sleep routine is one area that has changed a lot over the course of parenting, and I have to say, it is much better for the child and much better for me and everyone else now. With the first couple of kids it was a matter of YEARS before they were sleeping through the night or even able to fall asleep on their own (bedtime routine about 2 hours total!)… our little 1yo has been sleeping through the night since he was 8 weeks old and when I put him in his bed (awake but relaxed) he happily goes to sleep on his own without any complaint. Better sleep for him; better sleep for us; evening time left to spend time with the older kids and husband. I don’t find anything inherently wrong with sleeping with your older baby… but nothing wrong with the crib and nighttime independence either… I think the key to whatever parenting choices you make are consistency and the underlying belief that you are parenting with (the belief that YOU are the parent and will set the boundaries and enforce them for the good of your inexperienced child… you will lead him on the path he should begin in life so that those ways will become a part of his own core values and habits). I don’t know how anyone could parent more than one child with the “toddler contract”!
That was well put. I also did that night time nonsense with my first child. Getting her to sleep was an enormous process and I always fell asleep before her, many times in her crib. With my 6th child, I did not co sleep, although I did with some of my other children. I would put her down and she would sleep. She was happy in her crib and I was happy to get a good nights rest. I see you have a brood as well. Can you imagine trying to parent according to The Toddler contract when you have 6 or 7 chidlren all wanting it their way? Wow, the thought is exhausting.
It’s just amazing. My son wouldn’t act like that even if he had his way. I guess it’s all in how you raise 'em. If you constantly expose them to TV, don’t give them an assortment of good foods and give them the wrong foods, don’t maintain discipline, and cater to their every whim…then I guess they would be that toddler.
hmm…you know what they say about pride…
My son was the ideal child, the one that other parents envied me having, (and boy was I proud) but when he turned 5 he changed, and now he’s the opposite. He refuses to smile at school, so they think he must have an awful sad home life…he wont do his homework, he loses his diary, when he does do his homework he doesnt hand it in…they must think he has no routine, I cant be bothered helping him with his education, and have such a messy pigsty of a house that he cant find his diary or items to help him do his homework.
Meanwhile the oldest child is the one people say “you’re so lucky to have a child like her. Wish they could bottle her.” Who does homework, gets the best marks, remembers her diary, and gives off the opposite vibe to my son.
Kids…the same person can rear them, but they are all so unique and unpredictable. And they can suddenly change…is it a hormonal thing??
Yes, amusing…,but Karista G is right, also very sad.
My baby has just turned two and is trying to push the boundaries already. Sometines it is very cute, but one needs to know where to draw the line. What is cute at two is not necessarily cute at 12!!
