I’m working my way through the stack of books recommended in the “can genius be learned” thread, and I just finished “Talent is Overrated.” It was very interesting, although less directly applicable to parenting than “Mindset;” the focus is on the world of business. This thread is to discuss ways it applies to parents.
First, he has a list of aspects of homes that nurture their children’s talents. He applies them to businesses, but here are the things he says those homes have in common:
Kids are important and parents will do almost anything to help them.
Parents believe in and model a strong work ethic: “To excel, to do one’s best, to work hard, to spend one’s time constructively.”
Let kids pick the field with guidance and encouragement.
Parents sacrifice to get kids to good teachers.
Make children practice
Use intrinsic motivators: “If you practice, you can buy a new piece of music.”
More likely to be engaged if home is:
Stimulating: lots of opportunities to learn
high expectations
encourage curiousity from a young age - answer questions
Supportive: well-defined roles and jobs (chores)
family members can rely on each other
I imagine most BrillKids parents are already doing most of these things. Glad to know he’s on the same track we are!
His main argument is that high achievement is a matter of “deliberate practice:” practice that is designed specifically to improve performance (often with the help of a teacher), repeated a lot, gives continuous feedback on results, and is highly demanding mentally. This describes what a lot of us have experienced in music and sports, but he says it can be applied to any field. Specifically, for him, this is business; to apply it, as I read, I wondered how it would work for parenting. These are my notes: what do you think?
Deepen Your Knowledge - build a mental model of your field. (Read parenting books and decide what works for your family.)
Practicing Directly (Dedicated practice time, as opposed to practice as part of what you’re doing already)
Music model: Write a script, practice writing and editing, practice presenting (This doesn’t seem to apply much in parenting; we’re not scripted!)
Chess model: Case studies (These would be easy to find, on the forum or in parenting books.)
Sports model: Conditioning - keep learning basics (old textbooks/classics on parenting or, as BrillKids parents, in any field to increase our knowledge base), Skill Development - simulations (These aren’t everywhere, but it makes sense. Maybe with our spouses or other parents we know, we could try a few?)
Practicing in the Work
Before the Work: Setting Goals
Goals about the process of achieving desired outcomes
Focus on a specific element to improve each day
Plan: specific, technique-oriented
During the work
Metacognition: think about what you’re doing and why
After the work: Feedback
Compare your performance to your best or an expert
Identify errors
Come up with specific plans to improve
So as I read that, it made me wonder whether doing those practice steps would be worth the time and energy. Do you think that it would make you a better parent? Do you think it would make enough of a difference to be worth the effort? I’m very curious what other people think. I’m a full-time mom; this is my job rght now. Is this a reasonable way to improve my parenting skills? Or over the top?
And if I do decide to do it, would anyone else consider it? I could use a support group!