I am more patient now with 6 kids than I was with 2 kids (1 was not so hard, but after 2 then I found it quite difficult at times). I remember when I only had one, she was not going to sleep when it was bedtime and I felt so frustrated that I was crying!.. Later I learned to just let the kid stay up another hour and try again, also that a very regular bedtime routine means that you’ll rarely have any bedtime problems. But when it was the first kid, things would frustrate me (was I honestly worried that she wouldn’t ever fall asleep that night?!). Back then, I could have easily written exactly what you wrote… I’ve done it too. Also I was only 22yrs old… now I am 37 and that makes a big difference. I always say to people, “You raise the first; the rest just grow up”. I still am not a perfect Mommy! I still do get quite snippy occasionally if I am very tired, or if something else is on my mind and bothering me… I sometimes stay up too late because I want to get all sorts of things done to be a good Mommy for my family… sometimes night after night… and then the children notice that I’m grumpier. This is normal to be out of sorts sometimes, and I think it’s okay for kids to realize that their parents are human too… it’s important for them to know that your wrong reaction wasn’t fair and that you are feeling tired/frustrated, that you still love them. They will forgive you just like that! If you are really having a problem and being an abusive, neglecting parent, then go and get help for it… but know that every parent loses it once in a while, and your kids will be just fine. Try to find out what is bothering you and deal with that. If you aren’t getting enough sleep, then make sure you do. Regular exercise is great for regulating those happy/calm chemicals in your brain… take the kids out for a daily walk (keeps them out of mischief for a while too!) Are you worried about something? (Often the underlying cause of anger is fear). Maybe you are worried that your efforts aren’t paying off, or that your misbehaving toddler will turn into a juvenile delinquent, or that someone who sees your kids will think that you’re not a good parent for some reason, or that they aren’t learning enough, or that you’ve told them a million times - why don’t they ever get it?! My own biggest personal fear is that I’m not doing a good enough job raising them… I always feel a certain degree of inadequacy!
In our family we expect obedience from our children (Children, honour your father and mother)… but guess what?.. we don’t always get obedience. It is very important to us that our children learn this, so sometimes I have become too focussed on behaviour. As I become a more experienced parent, I realize more and more that they are a work in progress… to behave is something they will GRADUALLY learn… and it doesn’t matter how perfect my parenting is, they will never ever be perfect kids (or adults!) Humans are ALL subject to selfish human nature, and before they are three, psychological studies show that they aren’t even capable of thinking of the interests of others. So we must be VERY patient with these little ones in training them with manners and sharing and so on, because they just aren’t developmentally there yet… it’s nothing to get angry about. The goal is ‘slow to anger, quick to forgive’. It is important to consistently expect the correct behaviour, but it is way way more important to develop a good relationship with your kids. You see it all the time… kids growing up in ‘good Christian homes’ who end up a mess as teenagers, and just as often you see children growing up in quite ‘liberal’ homes with lower expectations and they turn out to be happy well-adjusted people… the most important ingredient is love. It isn’t the perfect healthy diet, or the age they learn to read, or the tidiness of the house, or how well behaved they are, or whether they are in school/daycare or at home/homeschooled, or how many languages they learn, or how much/little TV they watch that will determine how they turn out as adults. What really determines how well they turn out as adults (as far as being happy people with successful families), is the unconditional love they receive from their parent(s) growing up. So don’t worry too much about how good of a parent you are… concentrate first on loving them just the way they are and expecting nothing in return… the other details don’t matter nearly as much.
So you wondered how a mother of 6 can get through a day still sane… well, experience, maturity, (necessity!), knowledge, practice, efficiency… these are all a part of it I suppose, but personally the only way that I can keep going day after day after day is because I trust God to supply me with all my needs, so I don’t need to spend any time worrying about having enough money, time, patience, wisdom, or physical ability to look after 6 (7 in December) kids… I know that my loving, generous Lord will give me all that I need.
So get some rest and exercise, address whatever is making you feel tense, and start fresh again tomorrow. Your kids know you love them. There aren’t ANY perfect parents out there. Just keep loving them and try not to worry too much if they aren’t behaving the way you want them to… they’re just a work in progress. (Just the fact that yelling at your babies has bothered you so much that you would write on this forum with such passionate remorse… I’m totally convinced that you love your children and they are going to turn out just fine! You’re a wonderful mother.)
I don’t know if any of this is helpful… it’s just my humble opinion… I hope you have better days ahead.
but anyway, I hate feeling regret, so that’s why I hardly avoid to make any mistake; scold,shout,yell or do anything bad at my kids.but as you said-the goal is “slow the anger,quick to forgive”- I like that!!and I agreed that we must always be patient,nothing to get angry about!..