Should you teach your child to be independent?

Parenting and Education (Other) General Parenting
1

I was reading about the independence of the kids and I think this topic is interesting. What do you think?

http://searchwarp.com/swa284280.htm

2

I totally agree with this article. Like Maria Montessori say; children feel happy and proud when they can do stuff on their own and we parents stop treat them like they are " useless or stupid".
I always say, if you have the patience and time to teach them, they will happily learn!!The sooner you teach them the better.

3

when I’m cleaning the house, my daughter wants to help, then I give a paper towel to her and she pretend that this cleaning.

4

It’s very important for children to learn to be independent, but they also need to know that you will always be there when they really need you.

5

Definitely, my daughter felt very proud of eating by herself especially she could use chopsticks to eat like us. It helps to incease her confidence. She also enjoy helping me with the laundry.

6

Well I agree with teaching your children to be independent but I think that sometimes you need to help them. They understand your love and nurturing when you help them. I think you need a balance otherwise when they get older you will never see them again. I know a child raised this way and he sees his mother as self-centered and never had time for him. She just raised him to be independent. He looks at other parents that provide a nurturing environment and migrates to their homes. He was raised in a divorce home and his father claims he is looking for a mother. Mom is proud she raised him independent.

7

sometimes when you think impossible, our child can do better than u think…
so, let teach them to be independent… :slight_smile:

8

Here is a teacher talking about nurturing children in middle school as a teacher. So if a teacher feels nurturing is important in this difficult environment children are thrust into today, why would a parent not need to nurture their child and make them go it alone.

http://www.nais.org/publications/ismagazinearticle.cfm?ItemNumber=144294

9

Being independent does not doing mean doing it alone, as compared to doing things on their own. In the latter case, the parents are still there to guide and teach the child.

10

Hello L and J,

Great topic, so that, we don´t have so much time and to let our babies being independent is so important for them and for us, My old one doesn´t accept that I dress her up, and it is also she that choose her clothes to put on. I like that, only sometimes we don´t agree with the clothes (old ones to go to the church or squares, etc) and I try to convince her to change, if she accepts my advice, that is ok, if not, that is ok too. No problem, I think everyone who has a child understands that.

11

http://www.psychology.sunysb.edu/attachment/online/independence.pdf

Here is a very complicated article which would suggest that the independence needs is different for every child and pushing the independence of a child when they are not ready for it can backfire the same as pushing potty training.

12

I do think we should do it !coach bagsmay require patience on our part but allowing our children to speak and make decisions independently is a step closer to being self-reliant. Let them choose what they want to wear on Thanksgiving Day. Let coach handbags decide what they want to eat for lunch (provide a healthy selection). However, coach outlet should also see to it that they know the limitations that exist.

13

Laura is only 28 months ad she thinks she can do everything, had to toe without help, and if she can not do something, she despairs, and anyway, do not let anyone help

14

I agree with you…

15

exactly, I do not believe that the fact that we teach to be independent means to let the kids do alone, but they begin to learn the principle of being independent, because once the children grow, they would not be with us all the time.

16

I agree completely, because until patty training is being a headache for me

17

After reading this subject again, I noticed I am facing a problem with my 1y 5m. She until gets crying when I don´t want to let her drink water by herself, so that I don´t want her to wash her. This is a conflict!!!

18

buy a baby or a toddle cup , those with special cover you know, so she does not get wet. :wink:

19

Independence begins very early in life. When a baby can hold their own bottle, but it makes you feel cozy and closer to hold it, you are already impeding on their right to be independent, in my opinion. When they can crawl around the room and get their toys, but you put them all in a pile to make it easier for them, you are taking away their ability to reason and think about how to get from here to there, and how many toys can they hold at once, etc. It’s hard to think so far ahead when they are such little beings, but one day, they are going to go out into the world to be on their own. Will you have taught them all they need to know? If things happen they do not know about, will the concepts and beliefs you have made them aware of, help them figure out those things? You better hope.

20

I think there are several things to consider with this subject:

  • children go through phases of dependence and independence and we should follow their lead. If they express the desire to be independent, don’t squelch it. But neither should they be forced to be independent when they don’t want to.

  • changes in circumstances around them. The arrival of a new sibling often sends very capable toddlers flying back into babyhood. At times like these, you really need to cut your child some slack.

  • individuality - some children just want to do everything themselves while others are more cautious and want Mummy and Daddy to help. You should encourage them but accept that you cannot force the latter child to be like the former.

  • age of the child - don’t forget how old the child is. There is an expectation for children to grow up quickly and learn to be independent from the word go. Clingy children are often viewed as being mollycoddled and the belief is that they will struggle later in life because they’ve been babied. But if your child is young, then a little mollycoddling isn’t really going to hurt - it just shows the child that if he needs it, his parents will be there for him.

MariMari - give your daughter a chance to drink by herself whenever you can afford to. If she spills, she spills, but she will learn. The more chances she gets to practice, the faster she will be able to do it herself. For instance, my son was drinking out of cups since he was able to hold one. He was breastfed and I never used bottles on him so the next logical step was a cup. When he first started, he would often douse himself by overtipping the cup, but you could see he was learning from the experience because he would be more cautious the next time around. He now uses porcelain mugs and glasses without any problems. Or you can just do what L and J suggested and offer those toddler spill proof cups.