repeating the second grade

Parenting and Education (Other) After Early Learning
1

I’m so discouraged and frustrated. I might have my son retained in the 2nd grade. At the moment I can’t imagine any accommodation that will enable him to go onto 3rd grade successfully. He has an aid essentially by his side all day and he is still not succeeding in 2nd grade. Also he gets special ed for math and reading, physical therapy, language therapy, and occupational therapy. Amongst other problems, my son has severe attention deficit without hyperactivity. He walks around in a complete fog all day and can’t even get to his classroom or on the right bus without assistance.

Today I’m fantasizing about neurofeedback but I am nervous that maybe these centers are just money pits for desperate parents like me. Does anyone have knowledge of neurofeedback being used successfully for attention issues? Not sure if I can even afford it because I’m sure it isn’t covered by insurance.

My son is going to hate me if I have him retained but I’m afraid it will be even worse if I just keep allowing social promotion. He never mastered even all of the material from kindergarten. It appears that he does bits and pieces from the second grade curriculum, and his aid helps him just copy in the info for everything he doesn’t know. Of course the school presents it differently but I’m not blind and it is impossible for my son to have completed the work that comes home. I don’t think this parallel curriculum has served him well.

Lori

2

Oh, Lori,

I have no information to help you. I guess I’m just writing to say sorry to you. As a former classroom teacher I know that this happens way too often and I wish my “sorry” was more than a word. I wish I could translate it into help for you. I hope that by you posting this thread someone will read it and have some helpful insight for you. Until then, I hope that you will stay strong and continue fighting tooth and nail for your son - he is well worth the energy (and lack of sleep!)!!!

3

Hi Lori,

I just wanted to offer my prayers and encouragement. I hope you can come to a good solution for your son!

4

Lori,

So sorry. I just wanted to mention that I observed some success with neurofeedback , in a way of determining the causes of concern that body will communicate to the program ( don’t know the proper terminology how it is described by the specialist who do that), and then the program determines how to stimulate certain areas of nervous system, etc. I saw some success with in a diagnosing deficiencies or physical problems, so may be it is worth trying. I will definitely pray for you and please know that you have support from us here.

5

Hi there Lori,

It sounds beyond frustrating for you. The first thing that came to my mind, when reading your dilemma, is what is his nutritional program? Because if he is on a high-carbohydrate diet with little protein, it will put him in a fog and it will be impossible to focus! He needs balanced meals with moderate amounts of protein relative to healthy carbs and healthy fats, coupled with ultra-refined fish oil.

I personally follow, along my feeding my daughters, according to Dr. Barry Sears, “The Zone” nutritional program and we all take the Omega Rx. And my daughters have always had a very high attention span for their age and stay on task better than their peers, masha’Allah; according to their teachers.

I would encourage you to try it and see how it goes for at least a month:

http://www.drsears.com/tabId/399/itemId/9287/Attention-Deficit-Disorder--children.aspx

http://www.drsears.com/tabId/399/itemId/9418/TV-may-not-cause-kids-attention-disorders-study.aspx

http://www.drsears.com/tabId/399/itemId/10575/Brain-chemical-has-key-role-in-ADHD-studies.aspx

http://www.zonehealth.com/zh/Home

This book explains in general the science behind it:
http://shop.zonehealth.com/product/detail/407.aspx

And if there also behavioral issues, this is a great system for both parents and teachers, by a clincial child psychologist, specializing in ADD/ADHD:
http://www.parentmagic.com/
http://www.parentmagic.com/aboutus-view.cfm

Let us know how it goes!
Ayesha :slight_smile:

6

Ayesha Nicole-

I have heard recommend the 123 Magic Series before and now you are recommending it too. I am always looking for new parenting tips to add to my “bag of tricks.” I just looked and my library carries this so I am reserving it now. Thanks for the recommendation!

7

I’m so sorry you and your family are struggling with this. I have no info about neurofeedback, but it sounds expensive and there may be other options worth exploring as well. My first thought was have you tried modifying his diet to avoid allergens and additives. Especially if he is showing other symptoms such as repertory, gastroenterological and/or dermal reactions (or if these conditions are familial.) A quick google search turned up this article to start. http://www.allergysmarts.com/food-intolerance-new-letters/food-intolerance-your-child.html

Another thought was maybe the diagnosis needs reconsideration if traditional therapy isn’t working. I haven’t read the book but have heard The Mislabeled Child by B & F Eide has really helped parents find therapy that is the right fit for their child.

8

I would definitely second Twinenergy’s recommendation : “My first thought was have you tried modifying his diet to avoid allergens and additives.” It can make a world of difference.

Oh, and I would probably do that first before considering biofeedback, as you are right, it can be pretty costly.

9

I totally agree with the nutriention suggestions. Sometimes when children cannot digest products like dairy or gluten they get into a fog. Some people describe it like being on opeium.
Perhaps you could find a good naturopathic doctor to help you detox his little body. If there is one who specializes in the DAN! protocol even better. While he may not be autistic, ADD is part of the ASD classification and can truly benefit from treatment. Since we have started out protocol a month ago we have seen amazing changes in my 5 year old.
Best wishes and stay strong!

10

It is so hard to get my son to eat anything at all. I’ve thought of diet change. I buy organic fruit and veggies, and during the growing season we belong to a CSA. However we let my son eat whatever he will within reason. He will eat normal kid stuff - chicken nuggets, fishsticks, yogurt, pizza, etc. He does eat a lot of fruit. He also eats shredded wheat, oatmeal, pop tarts, and waffles. He loves milk and yogurt drinks. Except the fruit, his whole diet probably contains milk or gluten. Food textures used to make him gag. We got in the habit of letting him eat what he could and we supplemented with yogurt drinks. When he is stressed he will sometimes refuse to eat anything and will only drink yogurt. Now he is under so much stress that I don’t know if I have the strength to enforce a drastic diet change.

About the behavior, he is very well behaved. He is dreamy and inattentive. Otherwise he is very sweet and compliant. We worry about him being too passive. Kids sometimes notice this weakness and pick on him.

Thanks for all the ideas and support. But I don’t know if I can even take in all the ideas right now. I contacted an advocate to work on my behalf with the school system and I’m feeling overwhelmed by it all. The reality of going against the child study team recommendations is stressful. But again thanks everyone the support here is wonderful.

Lori

11

Have you read this thread? http://forum.brillkids.com/coffee-corner/eliminating-dairy-products/msg8946/#msg8946

12

Has anyone ever evaluated your son for Sensory Processing Disorder? It is often comorbid with ADD and would explain the odd noises, gross/fine motor deficits, picky eating habits, inattentiveness. My son’s OT recommends the book “The Out-of-Sync Child” as a good place to learn more about SPD. This is also a good website and has a symptoms checklist.

13

I don’t know about neurofeedback, but have you looked into neurodevelopmental therapy? I’ve heard lots of success stories with it.

14

The sensory processing disorder is an interesting thought. He has a cousin who was dx’d with it. Also on the playground, we met a child a lot like my son who was dx’d with sensory processing. The played well together and I didn’t feel like I had to make excuses for my son playing so loud and clumsy. The other boy was too loud and clumsy too. My son occasionally still makes me cut the tags off of his shirts although most kids have outgrown this behavior. He does a few other odd things. He likes to ride his bike with his eyes closed. I have to threaten that we will ground him from using his bike if he doesn’t keep his eyes open. He says it feels good. I’ll have to give this some thought and investigation.

Thanks, Lori

15

The first thing I thought of when I read your post, Lori, was the book Boys Adrift. Have you seen it? See especially the section about ADHD. Was he like this before starting school? Is he like this toward the end of summer?

If not, then as a homeschooler, I can’t help but wonder if you’d do much better with him at home. Maybe not, but if you’re in a position where you can try it (of course, you might not be), maybe you should.

16

It seems that many people have bought up some very good things to look into. Diet and SPD. My other thought was how does he sleep? Does he snore at all? My son and husband had obstructive apnea. This is one of the largest misdiagnosed medical conditions that is often mistaken for ADHD. It can definitely leave them foggy.

17

DadDude,

No I haven’t read Boys Adrift but I will look for it. Our school isn’t supportive of boys. There are so many little issues that annoy me I could really rant all day. The lack of support for his more active boyish learning style is just another annoyance. My son is the kind of kid that if you make him sit still he nearly falls asleep. He needs to fidget, move, and make lots of noise or his brain falls asleep. However, I have to admit that he really does have learning issues beyond just being a boy. I would love to homeschool him but I am afraid that I am not skilled enough. He does some extra work with me at home but it is difficult to motivate him. I’m not sure I could get him to do an adequate amount of work each day. On the other hand, he is so overwhelmed by his school work. I’m not sure that I would be as cooperative in his situation. Also my family (including my husband) is against homeschooling. My son borders on having some social issues due to lack of assertiveness. Other kids notice his processing difficulties and pick on him. My family thinks he needs to stay on school and work on assertiveness because the real world isn’t any easier. The largest issues is just the failure to teach my son to read on grade level and no one at the school seems to think it’s a big deal. They don’t expect all special ed kids to learn to read on grade level so they don’t make an increased effort in that area. I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect some intensive tutoring at this point. It makes me crazy that while he is sitting at school that he is not learning. He has a verbal IQ in the superior range. I don’t think my aspirations for him are unreasonable. I have given up on the school and have hired an advocate. I have a plan for his IEP that I think could result in some success. Of course, so far the CST is fighting me on everything. His IEP meeting will be this summer. Yes, they have saved my IEP meeting for last. Anyway this is my new plan.

  1. Over the summer, he is having private tutoring 4 days per week x 6 weeks using the Wilson Reading Program.
  2. A different special ed teacher in the fall ( had the same one x 2 yrs)
  3. We hired a dyslexia specialist to oversee the school curriculum in the fall.
  4. Individual tutor for reading at school rather than the resource room setting.
  5. Additional tutoring after school with a reading specialist.
  6. Touch math with me throughout the summer
  7. Touch Math at school starting in fall.
  8. Retention in second grade so the overall curriculum is commensurate with his skill level

Lori

18

I wouldn’t dream of trying to advise you on what to do. So don’t take this as advice so much as general discussion of options…

Obviously, if your husband is against homeschooling (and, if you care, your family–I wouldn’t care if my family was against it, but my wife is another matter), there’s not much you can do there. But if you think you can’t do homeschooling yourself, maybe you should investigate that question a little more, because you might be wrong. Many people used to worry about this, back in the 1970s and 1980s when very few people were homeschooling. It is now the extremely common experience among homeschoolers that most parents, even those with just a high school education, can homeschool their children perfectly well.

In my layperson’s opinion, there is no reason for any child to feel overwhelmed by school work. If he does feel that way, it’s not his fault, it’s the fault of a school system that is pushing things on him that he is not ready for yet–and not giving him enough activities that he feels good enough about, which would keep up his motivation and interest. You, his mother, know far better than his teacher (who has lots of students) what he is capable of doing right now, and you would be able to figure out without too much difficulty what educational activities would spark his interest (and focus). Moreover, you’re much more motivated than any teacher, tutor, or adviser could be. You will go out of your way to find exactly the right solutions to the problems, and you probably lack most of the constraints that professional educators work under (such as specific texts, methods, times of day, periods, and so forth).

Obviously, I have little respect for the U.S. school system. I know several bright teachers and administrators, but the bureaucratic, overconstrained “industrial” system ties their hands. You, even if like me you lack formal training in education methods, are not beholden to this broken system. I think it is highly likely that you will be able to do a much better job teaching your son than any specialists they have on staff, working as part of this broken system.

Anyway, if you’re interested in pursuing that any further and/or changing your husband’s mind, an excellent place to start is Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Gatto (http://www.johntaylorgatto.com/).

See if http://watchknowreader.busedge.com/ helps :slight_smile: That will soon be renamed ReadingBear and greatly expanded. Click “Short a” and “Settings”.

Hmm, and as to socialization and assertiveness–your family is very probably wrong. Again, this is an issue you can research and enlighten them about. Most homeschooled kids are more self-confident, and polite, than their regular-schooled counterparts. Did your family ever stop to think that one of the reasons your sweet little boy is unassertive is that he is not being supported by his peers, as friends support each other? A lot of kids are beaten down, emotionally, by other kids in school. Is that supposed to make them better prepared for “the real world”? Your family might think so, but does that make the slightest bit of sense? Surely the opposite is true: being constantly attacked, disrespected, and undermined will naturally make him lose self-confidence. By contrast, if he grows up around you and others who love him, and goes to various extra-curricular activities and classes, he will probably gain the self-confidence that you can see in homeschooled kids. When he goes out into the “real world,” he will have learned how to behave and relate to others of a wide variety of ages, and have more experience interacting directly with adults. And if you really have any serious doubts about how well homeschoolers adjust to the “real world” when they go out into it, here is some linkage for you:

http://www.hslda.org/docs/nche/000000/00000017.asp
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071004175543AA3k07W
http://www.homeschool.com/articles/socialization/default.asp
http://homeschooling.about.com/od/socialization/Socialization_How_to_deal_with_it.htm
http://learninfreedom.org/socialization.html
http://www.hslda.org/docs/nche/000000/00000068.asp

19

Hello, I can appreciate that you are really concerned for your son. I can’t give you any answers, but I can offer a few ideas which may have been overlooked. Does your son drink Cow’s milk??? Please Do a web search for milk allergies and learning problems. Then check out
http://www.grandmas-wisdom.com/milk-allergy.html
: If your child is being diagnosed as suffering the common emotional and learning disorders that public schools and physicians are insisting on putting your child on mind-altering drugs to control your child then you need to go to:
http://www.notmilk.com/
Research has proven children that suffer from;
•hyperactivity
•depression
•aggression
•learning problems
•delinquency
•recurrent infections
•intestinal symptom
•colds
•sinus infection
•emotional disorders
These may be signs your child is suffering from a form of food or environmental allergy.

Although you didn’t mention if your son has Down’s syndrome, even if he DOESN’T, I urge you to read what diet and supplements are doing for these Down’s Syndrome kids, and then ask yourself, if there’s something in diet or supplements which would help your boy.
http://www.changingmindsfoundation.org/documents/news_april_8__2009.html

I would definitely go on the internet and research diet, allergies, supplements and learning.

Home schooling clubs: many areas with lots of home schoolers have clubs where the kids get together for activities, go on trips, etc. Home schooling may not be as bad as your husband thinks. If he thinks home schoolers sit in the corner and never socialize, hmm, maybe he needs to reconsider. The other thing, is that even if you did home-school, you might not do it for 10 years, but maybe one or two.

Building confidence: My son was into music lessons, church programs, a scout-type program and Karate (martial arts). He also took swimming, dancing, horseback riding, and ice skating. He didn’t take all of these lessons in the same year, of course, but I feel that they were all useful. Try different things to discover your son’s hidden talents. These things build confidence and develop skills. At this point, I would NOT recommend team sports, but maybe later, a few years from now.

AIR QUALITY: Check on air quality at home, and possible contamination from cigarrette smoke.

MUSIC: I’ve been a music teacher for almost 50 years. AVOID television and the usual radio music. Play music such as Mozart as well as slow Baroque. Check out the effects of playing slow Baroque music. This music should be gently in the background.
Do a web search for
www.acceleratedlearningmethods.com/auditory-stimulation.html -
Auditory Stimulation - Accelerated Learning Methods for ChildrenExperts in child brain development tell us Baroque (Largo tempo) is the best music to play while using accelerated learning methods because its cadence is …
Here’s another website:
http://home.blarg.net/~building/strategies/arts/brewer.htm

EXERCISE: I can’t find the website right now, but on TV there was a documentary on having ADHD kids do 1/2 hour of real exercise before classes began. There attitude, focus, and even their grades went up. I would definitely try this for at least 2 months. TEST it out!!

SLEEP: Does he sleep well? nightmares? snoring?

So those are the things that I would check out:
DIET, ALLERGIES, SUPPLEMENTS,
SLEEP QUALITY
Air Quality
EXERCISE: In the morning before school
MUSIC: No Radio. Gentle music
EXTRA CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES: Scouts, Music Lessons, Sports, esp, Twae Kwon Do, Karate, etc.
HOMESCHOOLING: TRY it for ONE year.

I would TRY all of the above for one year, before I would have a child repeat
a grade which is unfortunately, often more of the same. When maybe what they need is LOTS and LOTS of an approach which is really different. A Fresh new start.

All the best,
Skippy Mardon

20

DadDude, Love your advise and knowledge. I agree with you 100 percent.

Also make sure your child had NO artificial colors and or dyes in their food. NO colored candy, fruit juice (only natural) stay away from things like red number 40 and so on.

Even cereals in the morning contain these hidden colors.

I have also heard wonders about a all natural vitamin called bright spark. you may want to give it a try as it is all natural.

Milk is a big no no for so many and so is any dairy product for that matter.

A simple allergy test could help a lot…

I am thinking of you and your family.

HUGS…

Susan Khan