my MIL and i have an interesting relationship too. i am married 6 years now. at first we would clash. i use to get annoyed. she had ideas about kids which were different from mine. i want an independant child who will learn to appreciate being self reliant hence all the teaching etc… she wants to spoil a child.
i then analysed the situation.i want my child to have things i didnt and be things that i never was. i want the best for him and want him to have all the knowledge in the world. its a gift that cant get taken away. i want that because i am the parent
my MIL however has lost her husband and all her children are grown and married. she has 2 grandchildren. her relationship was an emotional one with my son. she then wanted to spoil him. we also live 5 hours apart so she tried to be included in his life whenever and in whatevver way she could. even if that meant questioning my parenting style. it was just her way. her grand children are all she has. there is just nothing else.
now we are really good friends and i love her like my own mum. i think the tension gave us both the opportunity to understand each other. now she phones frequently to find out how our schooling is going. we chat for hours sometimes.
i think its important for young people to remember that it is very difficult to break a mind pattern or way of life in an older person and we shouldnt try to. their life is their choice and when you find yourself being questioned by one always remember that you can politely listen but you dont have to follow the advice or get upset. it usually stems from a deep love for their granchildren and its better to have your grandchild loved then not loved. they were parents too once upon a time and are just trying to share.
now that i understand her situation and were she comes from we are able to connect.
i think that it is important for us parents to remember our selves in the process of teaching.
teaching our child is so joyful and we are so passionate but one day these kids are going to grow up. we are going to need something else for our selves as well. be it our jobs, hobbies or something otherwise we may become the annoying mother in law.
Talking about MIL – Now don’t get me started! :mad:
I guess MILs are the same globally! What to do, at least you guys be happy that you have to be with them only for a few days in a year…unlike here in India where majority of the families have a joint family system, mine included…
I’m living w/ my mine as well. But thanks God that she’s a wonderful MIL. She doesn’t interfers w/ my teaching & disciplining of my daughter. She knows when to be strict w/ her and doesn’t spoil her rotten. (That’s a great help to me!) She also sacrifices her work in the afternoon to help me look after my daughter so that I can go to work.
Moreover, I do not know how to cook & do housework. (think that’s a big NO NO for most MIL in S’pore as they are the traditional type) But she doesn’t mind at all and sometimes even cook for me to eat! She is also the 1 who cooks for my daughter to eat. (I must have been a very lousy DIL)
My MIL is really a blessing to me! Hopefully I can be like her if I have the chance to be a MIL in future! :yes:
Thanks to all for sharing your experiences.
My mother in law is a wonderful lady, I really do my best to try my baby and she have a close relation. I came from a big family, where all the family( grandparents, aunts,cousins,auncles,parents) get togheter at least once a week, all summer break we used to take vacations togheter…it was really nice. My family is long miles away from us now, even my parents in law(in other state) we have the chance to see them once a year at least. Sometimes makes me sad that my baby won’t have the chance to grow up around her grandparents, uncles, cousind…etc.people who loves her special my parents.
That is why I try to keep contact with my mother in law ,enroll her in our experinces telling her Catalina’s steps and new milestones she does, sometimes we have different ideas about educating my baby, and I think is ok!!
But for the other hand I wish things will be different for my daughter!!
She also sacrifices her work in the afternoon to help me look after my daughter so that I can go to work.