So, lately my 4 year old boy doesn’t want to have anything to do with my 6 month old boy. My 4 year old used to be so attached to little josh, but now he acts like the baby doesn’t even exist most of the time, and he throws a fit when little josh plays with any of his toys. What would cause such a drastic change and how can I get my boys back together?
Please help!
Usually that is just a phase that the older kids go through. especially when they feel that their mommy isn’t paying enough attention to them. It should pass on it’s own. If it is really bothering you though you could suggest your older son help taking care of the baby. Like feeding, bathing, changing, stuff like that. Maybe if he realizes the baby depends on you for everything he will be more receptive to him.
Hi goodnightmoon
What you are describing is exactly what happened with all my elder children when the baby was about 6 months. It didn’t seem to matter how old they were it was always when bub was around the same age so I think it has more to do with that then the older child.
I think there are a lot of reasons why your son is not as attached to the baby as he was. 6 months is a long time to have a baby take up so much of your time and is also around the time when bub starts to be a little bit more independent and can play without you for a short while, is starting to move around and do much more. I think the elder child thinks that the baby is more able to be left alone and that they should be getting back some of the attention you have been giving to the baby. Of course you still need to spend a lot of time with bubba but it is hard for them to understand this at their age.
Also it is about the time when the baby starts wanting everything they see and taking the older child’s toys which is hard for them. At 4 in particular children are learning how to share and also that they can not just take a toy off somebody else. They have a great sense of right and wrong but not the ability to understand that a baby is unable to share so this can cause conflict.
Also the novelty of a baby is wearing off after 6 months and it is becoming a bit routine so the boredom with the baby sets in.
The good news is that we’ve found this stage soon passes and your boy will be back to being attached to bub in no time. We always found it helpful to make some special time for the older child when bubba slept and teaching them to give the baby another toy if they wanted the one bub was playing with or had just taken from them. This made it much, much easier to deal with bub wanting all the toys the older child had.
Other than that you just need to let your older boy work it out and he will soon find that bubba is starting to be a more interesting playmate.
I’ve had the same experience with 3, and I agree with Marmee. If you think about it, how much do a 4yr old boy and a 6mo old have in common, anyway? They can’t play games together, he’s probably being told to ‘be gentle’ a lot… after a while, it’s just not that interesting.
I found that including my older kids in the child care process with the little ones helped. Helping with feeding (unless you’re BFing, of course!), reading to little one, singing, even assisting with diaper changes… The older kids felt some sense of responsibility, enjoyed getting a reaction from their younger sibling, they learned something, and naturally they basked in the glow of their very proud parents.
Hi,
I agree with the earlier posts and just wanted to add in another thing. You mentioned that your older boy seemed distracted. This may have a bit to do with testosterone surges (which happen at various ages) in boys. Little boys have a testosterone surge around 4 years old and this can affect their behaviour. I found the book “Raising Boys” by Steve Biddoulph (I think that’s how you spell his name) really helpful. I’m sure they have it at your library or Amazon surely has it. My son went through a personality shift at 4 and when I read this book it helped me to understand what was going on. He went back to “himself” fairly quickly and I wasn’t concerned once I knew what was at the core of this shift.
I hope this helps
Ellen
I’m familiar with raising boys, as well, because I have 4 sisters and my first two born were girls. When my boy came along, I was at a loss. It’s a good suggestion, Ellen! OK, MJMJ, sss, bun pak pak bun pak bun pak pak bun pak.