I’d like to point out an alternate viewpoint.
First of all, if you truly feel that you are incapable of providing for another child, please do not have one. There are certainly worse things in life than being an only child.
However, I happen to feel that siblings are an important part of life for many reasons and that the decision to have only one should not be undertaken out of fear only… most fears tend to be unfounded.
I’m a pediatric RN and the mother of seven… Alison is 16-1/2, Joseph is 13, Jonathan is a few weeks shy of 11, Amber is 8, Amanda is 5, Arielle is 3-1/2 and baby Patrick is due to make his arrival in a couple of weeks.
I’ve worked many areas of the hospital, including SICU (surgical ICU). When I worked in SICU I noted that when my patient was an elderly person, one of two situations almost invariably presented. The first was that the person had one or maybe two children. This was overwhelming for their adult children who were attempting to a) be there for whichever parent was ill; b) be there for the other parent; c) tend to their own families of teens or tweens; d) maintain their jobs… they always looked beyond stressed out on top of the inevitable stresses caused by the surgery/illness/impending death itself.
The second situation was when the elderly person or couple had a larger than “average” family… the kids would quickly develop a schedule of sorts, someone was always with the patient, someone was always with the other parent, and they sort of just naturally “divvied up” the necessary chores of tending to their own families and jobs. Yes, of course they were often stressed or saddened by the immediate situation, but there was a definite difference in the level of stress caused by attempting to maintain their own lives… the old adage of “many hands make the work light”…
I may not have the most material possessions to give my children, but I happen to believe that the greatest gifts I have given them in life are… each other. When Steven and I have passed on, they will have each other. They are each other’s best friends, always have been. And, because of the sheer necessities of life in a large family, they have great attitudes about pitching in and being there for each other.
Does each child get as much of my attention as they otherwise would? Probably not. However, it is more than made up for with the amount of attention they get from each other. I’m miserably huge right now, par for the course at this point in pregnancy. My 16 year old offered to make dinner. The 13 year old is cleaning as his sister cooks and prepping the table. The 11 year old is reading his baby sisters a book.
At a family party a few weeks ago, a distant aunt on Steven’s side commented that she had never seen a 13 year old boy take such good care of his younger sisters (he was slathering them with sunscreen before they went out to the pool).
Yes, with more children there are more possibilities for problems. However, there are no guarantees in life. You could have a perfectly healthy child now who later develops a horrible disease and dies (I see it every day… the hardest part of my job.) I’m not trying to fear monger, just showing that the fear mongering already being done always has a flip side.
With more children there are more possibilities as well… more blessings… more hugs, more kisses, more opportunities.
Not everyone is meant to have seven children (or more, God willing, I hope!) but the rationale for a certain family size should not be based on fear…