http://intellikidsdownunder.blogspot.com.au/2012/04/modern-parenting-tricks-tips-and-traps.html Just follow the link and have a watch. You will need about 1hr 15minutes to watch this but well worth it. Intersting segment about establishing a hierachy with oin the family.
Also I have been blooging heaps this month so check out some of my other posts and let me lnow what you think?
Thank you very much Kimba for this useful link. I also checked out your blog and you have some great articles on there. I was very interested to read your review of Languagemom - I may need to sign up for this 
BTW - if anyone does not have 1hr 15 minutes to watch this video then you can also check out the powerpoint presentation on his website http://www.goodatdoingthings.com/ and go to the modern parenting tips and traps section, where you can read the summary.
I tried to take some notes to help me remember the key points. A lot of what he is saying is very similar to the Mindset viewpoint (and he does mention this later on in the presentation) so there is a lot of crossover here with the thread about that. Some of the key things that I gleaned from his summary were:
Many parents are very focused on giving their children high self-esteem through lots of praise. However, studies have generally failed to find that self-esteem causes good task performance (with the important exception that high self-esteem facilitates persistence after failure)
High self-esteem does not prevent children from smoking, drinking, taking drugs, or engaging in early sex. If anything, high self-esteem fosters experimentation, which may increase early sexual activity or drinking…
No evidence that boosting self-esteem (by therapeutic interventions or school programs) causes major benefits and too much praise (of the incorrect type) leads to narcisism
We can help by being authoritative Parents (compared to Authoritarian - high control, low warmth, Permissive - low control, high warmth, or neglecting - low control and low warmth)
Authorititative parents are:
• High on control and warmth
• Tend to be very strict about what the rules are
• Also willing to discuss them
• Reason with their children
• Even alter the rules in response to the child’s expressed views
“Within the limits they set, authoritative parents allow children considerable freedom. They are warmly affectionate and communicate openly. They are also demanding and expect maturity. Children of authoritative parents are clearly the best off, high in achievement motivation and in self-control. They tend to be more popular, competent, and self-assured than other children. Children of authoritative parents also show high levels of social responsibility†(Lillard, p. 268).
Focus on socializing your children: Don’t raise your children to be happy
Raise them to be lovable
Well Socialized children are lovable and happy
“Self-esteem†is a consequence of competency rather than praise
“I can find reward in the worldâ€
“I am good at doing stuffâ€
“I can count on myself to follow-up throughâ€
“People like me because I am likable and a good friendâ€
Tell your children this:
•Lack of natural ability doesn’t matter.
•Talent has little or nothing to do with success.
•Sticking with something matters.
•Your brain is a muscle. Intelligence can be improved by exercising it.
•Great performance is always and only the result of great effort.
I agree with almost all of that. I do parent on an authorititative manor ( shurely that’s not really a word!) there is love and warmth with firm rules and expectations here. Probably not enough negotiation from the kids yet but hey there are three of them! I can admit there is room for improvement there.
I don’t agree with the self esteem idea. I am completely convinced that if you do parent this way and your children spend a significant amount of time with someone who doesn’t value them ( their teacher…) then a plummet in self esteem WILL result in reduced test scores. Perhaps it is that this style of parenting leaves them open to being effected. Coming from a supportive encouraging, warm environment they don’t develop the coping strategies other kids can. So while they are young and still developing their own self worth they are quite vulnerable. Anyway I have seen it personally in one of my kids. Happy go lucky, self assured dux one year to low scores, low effort and no self opinion the next. Just something to keep an eye on. Nothing wrong with having a healthy self esteem even if it doesn’t result in grades. Prhaps we can have the best of both worlds. Develop high self esteem through praise and high self worth through effort.