I thought I had seen fragments of this article elsewhere, and I must have been correct; it’s a reprint/update.
What an excellent article all the way around. Don’t let the early quotation of Elkind fool you.
The Self-Propelled Advantage, John Taylor Gatto, and this article all say similar things. It’s something I alluded to in one of my early blog posts where I said, in effect, I’m not here to raise a child, I’m here to raise an adult. This is definitely a topic worthy of discussing at length. In my opinion, EL is the perfect solution to some of these problems.
Example, over Christmas, I had PokerMom’s cousins visit from out of town. Both of them are incapable of functioning as full adults in society in their mid to late 20s. One of them stayed with us, and when she got an emotional email, she was on the phone with her mother at 11pm - these phone calls were also constant.
I just finished reading The Talent Code (yeah, still catching up on overdue reading books). Page 195 of the hardback edition says (quoting a coach), "If it’s a choice between me telling them to do it, or them figuring it out, I’ll take the second option every time,’ Landsdorp said. ‘You’ve got to make the kid an independent thinker, a problem-solver. I don’t need to see them every day, for chrissake. You can’t keep breast-feeding them all the time. The point is, they’ve got to figure things out for themselves.’ "
While it might seem contrary to EL, it’s actually not. EL is the perfect extension of what I’m talking about. You don’t delay adulthood and make the person debilitated. EL is like giving your child the keys to life so that they can navigate it. Obviously at first there’s a lot of hand-holding, but that’s not the end objective by any means. And, FWIW, the college debauchery seems like the perfect reason to get your kid through college early; before the need to conform to that particular sub-culture norm. Of all the kids I saw in college, the number of them that would not succumb to debauchery could be counted on three fingers. I interacted with hundreds. Conforming is powerful - in large part because it’s trained (see Gatto for more on that).
You are raising an adult. Yes! That is what I have been saying for years.
Sure I babied my baby. And I have an decent amount of leniency with my 3 year old. But I am teaching him the ways of the world so that he can become an independent and productive man with the tools to function in life.
So far he is ver independent, and self sufficient. He now insists on doing the dishes each day…
He HATES being wrong and he gloats when others are wrong. But I need him to be wrong, I need him to fail so that he can learn and grow from these experiences. I don’t want him earn silly meritless awrds for very little. I want him work hard for satisfaction of a job well done.
I know a large number of adults with poor coping skills. I was raised to do things for myself and to figure it out. And I do. I was raised in a loving sheltered home, with a firm hand. I didn’t see much debauchery growing up. But I was given the right tools. If I failed, got up and tried again.
My husband was forced to be self sufficient due to neglect. Very different childhoods. But he became a good hard working man despite the adversity.
If I have a choice my son will be raised like I was.
Feeling pretty good about myself now after reading that :biggrin:
It seems my lazy mums playgroup was the perfect child raising choice. They played, we gossiped and told them to go sort it out themselves when they came to “dob” on each other. lol
I failed one area. The mobile phone. I let my oldest take one on camp with her, she rang me everyday and we discussed problems she was having and solutions. Seems maybe I should let her figure it out for herself. :wub: won’t be sending her without the phone next time all the same :laugh: just might see if I can talk through with her in a way where by she makes the end decision on course of action. She is only 9 after all.
I think at 9 daily parental guidance and communication is just fine. 
I don’t see it as a bad thing at 19 but I will admit having to do Inge for myself made me grow up. I left home at 18 And never went back. I left my home country a year later. back in those days I didn’t speak to my mum much because phone cards were expensive and free video calling didn’t exist. We only had infrequent email. And frankly I had nothing to day so important that I needed to email regularly.
Now with Skype and because I had her only grand baby we Skype weekly.
Interesting read, thanks for sharing!