Dear all,
my kid is about 2.5yo… i hope she will grown up to be confident, outspoken and able to express herself well. Any tips to start now ?
Thanks!
Lead by example. If you are prepared to stick your neck out for them they will learn to value themselves and do the same. Obviously don’t always come to the rescue but encourage them to stick up for themselves where it’s appropriate. Among friends and siblings and even set up role-plays to demonstrate.
Allow your child their own voice. I found this more useful than anything else. If someone asks " how old is he?" and he is in earshot, I direct the question to the child, I don’t answer for them if I can get away with it. My kids know I expect them to speak up now so I don’t even need to prompt them anymore.
Giving them a voice works in lots of situations. Doctors, dentists, teachers, hairdressers, shop attendants. Always allow your child to answer any question asked of them, encourage them to ask questions and voice what they want. Also discourage people from talking like your kids aren’t in the room when they can clearly be included into the conversation.
Finally I encourage my kids to ask people for drinks ect on their own. I will send them back to the counter to ask for a spoon or tomato sauce for their pie, just watching and supervising to ensure people don’t push in front of them. I give them the perfect script first including mannors 
My kids have never been accused of being shy so I guess something in this mix works lol
Thank you Mandabplus3, that helps a lot I will use it with my sons.How old are your kids?
4,6,8 now. I started with these ideas from as young as I could. My kids could tell people how old they were before they were one, but starting as soon as they talk (lets say 100 words) with gentle encouragement is a good plan. some kids are quite naturally introverted so they will need lots of encouragement.
I bring her out with me wherever, possible, banks, markets, friends gathering.
In gathering , especially family gathering , I let her sit opposite of me, let her talk to her grandfather, her aunties and so on. Dont’ let kids play ipad or bring toys during dinner, let them observe and play with other adults.
In friends gathering, I dont let her sit in between her daddy and I. Let her sit next to another adult.
My friends said, she is quite "calm and steady " for her age, I guess she is turning out alright in terms of confidence.
I like this question and it’s great that it’s asked when a child is still little. I want to share with you an article that may answer it in a surprising but profound way. It definitely improved my parenting. The article is in Psychologytoday.com (or org?) It’s a big site, I am sure you will find it. It’s titled Lick Your Kids. I like the author’s other articles too (his language borders on impolite but the info he gives is really helpful). Let me know what you think.
Sincerely,
Reader in the Night
Hre is the link http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prefrontal-nudity/201202/lick-your-kids
I am sure reader in the nit meant well. That site is a bit confronting. The article is worth a read, it’s relevant to your interests. Don’t be put of by the poor language and writing style in the first paragraph it does improve.
Basically its a review of an experiment on rats in a nature vs nurture type experiment. Then it is linked ( somewhat casually) to raising children. Basically the summary is that little kids need lots of love, hugs, touch and tickles when they are young to grow into confident adult humans and this was proven through rats behaviour! :biggrin: Now you don’t need to read it :biggrin:
Thanks, Mandabplus3, for giving the link. I thought the site is easy to find, it always pops up in my searches on psychology. Just to clarify: I indeed wanted to be helpful. I like the article. It also tells something about nurture vs. nature; OK, in rats but interesting. I don’t particularly like the author’s language (I cautioned about that), but I understand that he is trying to be funny; it’s hard to become popular when one is writing about scientific things like brain research. Still, I enjoyed his other pieces as well. I think they hold value to parenting.
Sincerely,
Reader in the Night
LDSMom, you must have been caught off guard by the name the author gave to his blog spot on psychologytoday.com. Pre-frontal is a region of the brain that he researches as scientist. I agree that his choice of a name is provocative and sounds like something inappropriate. But I understand his predicament as a scientist trying to write a popular blog about brain research. He is trying to be original and readable. As to readability, he does a great job, as to originality, I think he would want to be original in a slightly different way. I see his choice of words repels the readers he exactly needs to attract. But style aside, he gives great info that parents can use.
I hope that straightens the confusion and you read his articles. By the way, not to promote the website (I disagree with a lot on it), but it was the articles there that changed my mind about teaching reading to babies. You can say those articles lead me to buying Little Reader from BrillKids.
Sincerely,
Reader in the Night
I’ve doing similar things Mandabplus3 was talking about. My son is 3.5 now and I found he was too shy as a little boy so I tried to “train” him, telling him and showing him what to say and how, in different situations (mostly in the library, around the popular training table, when an older boy wanted to take the train away from him/from his hands…). We also “play” the order your own food, go ask for more water…game. Of course I am there for him to help, but he has more and more confidence. I also agree with you Mandabplus3 to let them answer the questions and be part of the conversation especially if it’s about them.