My daughter has been able to read in our native language since she was one year old and a half, thanks to Little Reader and advice from fellow parents in this forum. But now only a few months away from the age of 3, she still refuses to read by herself most of the time. She insists adults in the family read to her. If she does read, she only reads a few sentences, and then refuses to go on, saying that the letters are too small or there are too many words. I bought all kinds of books she likes and books with big fonts, but the result is the same. She just wants other people to read to her. What could I do to change the situation? Many thanks for your help!
We set up different times of the day where at one time it is a reading lesson and the child has to read to me and at another time ( usually before bed) I will read to them. Just because a child can read doesn’t mean we should stop reading to them. Indeed I still read to my 10 year old regularly. She learns plenty from our read aloud sessions to make it worth my time.
Separating the expectations of who does the reading when should solve the problem. My son liked to get a warning. “In 5 minutes you are going to read me a story” if I didn’t give him a warning and he was tied he had a tantrum over it. With the warning it was no problem even if he was tired.
You could probably try and read a LOT of books to your child so they get plenty of what they clearly want. Once you have done your share just say “no I am not reading any more today, it’s your turn to read to me!” :laugh:
I’ve had the same problem with my three and a half year old. Finally, about six weeks ago, I resorted to bribery. It required hefty pay-outs, too, things I’ve never considered for any other behavior. But it worked, and now she reads at least a book a day.
My justification for paying her to read is twofold:
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It is hard work for her. Even if she’s paying attention, it takes up to 15 minutes of focusing on a book to get through the shortest books our library offers that she’ll read (BOB books are instant rejects, unfortunately). That’s a lot for a 3 year old. I don’t feel that it’s wrong to pay her for working hard; payment for work is a fact of life in our society and one she’ll run into for the rest of her life.
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Reading will eventually be self-rewarding, so I know I won’t have to pay forever. I’m willing to use treats for potty training for the same reason. It’s a behavior that’s hard at first and needs some outside impetus to get it started, but it will become part of life once we get over that initial hump. I pay for those things and fade out rewards later on.
So if you’re willing to pay, it might help. It might take some time to find a valuable enough payout; I finally got her reading by taking her to the Dollar Store and letting her pick out any one item she wanted, for every book. (I don’t have a problem with a dollar a book, but getting in the car every time and then letting her buy junk I would never allow in my house normally was not easy for me!) We’re working it down to a bowl of homemade ice cream (with milk from our backyard goats, frozen berries, vanilla, and a touch of honey) for each book - a payment I don’t mind give at all! So it is working. And her reading skill is improving fast and she’s much more willing to read.
Having a special time to read helps, too. If I let her stay up longer than her little sister at nap time only if she’s reading to me, she’s more likely to read.
Another resource that worked for several months before I started paying were the “We Both Read” books. My library has them, but here’s a link to one on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Lulus-Lost-Shoes-Both-Read/dp/1891327569/. You can just search “We Both Read” on Amazon too. Look at the “Look Inside” option; it has most of the story on the left-hand page, which the parent reads, and then a few words on the right, which the child reads. That way my daughter got a compelling story read to her, but she had to participate too. The level K ones are a little easy for some readers; they rhyme, and with the pictures it’s usually easy to guess the words without reading at all. But some are harder than others. Level K-1 was about perfect for my daughter; Level 1 had as much reading for the child as the little first reader books, so I started working on her reading books herself. Those I could get her to read without payment, so I’d definitely try them.
Good luck! I hope you have success. It’s a frustrating place to be stuck. I’m sure you’ll get through it eventually. 
Buy a head torch or flashlight!
Seriously, starting at about that age I would put my dd into bed roughly 15 minutes before her actual bedtime, but ‘allow’ her to stay up ‘15 minutes late’ if she wanted to read by flashlight. She thought she was getting one over on me:)
At age 4 that time has lengthened, but it is beautiful time for her.she doesn’t miss out on me reading to her (and I plan to read aloud to her until she moves out!) and it is a quiet, down-time activity.
Other ideas: we have a designated quiet-time every day…she reads to me, we do a read-aloud on whatever book we are working on, our math read aloud, and then she has quiet time for a bit.
Have your child read aloud to dolls or stuffed friends. Many kids love getting a chance to be the teacher. At that age I told my child that her poor stuffed chicken (best friend) could not read! It was so sad, lol, and Alex made sure to read LOTS of books to that stuffed friend.
Have the child’s eyes tested. Just in case.
Some of the ideas already given by other parents sound like they would work…
Here’s some more.
Choose several words that she knows from a book.
You read the book to her but every time the special word appears
you stop and let her read it.
You read the left page and she reads the right.
If you have any type of bell or something that dings, then
ding the bell for the page turn. Kids think that this is funny.
Get colored DOTS from the dollar store. Usually they are a thousand
for a dollar. At every page turn, stick a dot on the page.
Ten little dots can equal a bigger sticker. Two (or three, or four, wahtever)
big stickers equals something that will please the child.
Have the child read to you while you are doing something in the
kitchen. That way you are close at hand. I used to have my four-year-old
read to me while I did the dishes.
Keep reading to her, but try to read things that are just a bit too hard
for her to read herself. Good luck, Skippy
I take a slightly different POV… At 3-1/2, your toddler is testing limits, gauging what kind of power he/she has and what your reactions are going to be… Reading is wonderful on so many levels, but consider what your child’s motivation to read might be: a) it’s undistracted time with mom or dad (the BEST reason to read); b) it’s something mom and dad approve of and show their approval… but now your DO is supposed to read by herself? Think about it. Half the motivation is gone… You might try spending uninterrupted time reading with your child – with NO expectations – so it’s personally rewarding to her.
Anyway, I’m just a parent and really have no expertise in these things, though I do have experience. I would also recommend Janet Lansbury’s brand new Amazon best-seller: “Elevating Child Care: A Guide To Respectful Parenting”… There are a couple of chapters in there that deal with self-motivated kids, the problems with ‘rewards/bribes’, toddler resistance… and especially what your toddler is thinking.
Books available on Amazon: http://amzn.to/1qmqEmd
Good luck to us all!
I am in the same boat! As usual it’s good to hear of others with similar experiences. My son is 3.5 & refuses to read “all by myself??” with much drama, as if I’m abandoning him:-) He will inadvertently read words that he sees in his environment though so I’m quite sure he knows a lot more than he lets on lol There’s been a lot going on, a new baby, a house move so he might just be concerned, subconsciously or otherwise, that this is something else that will change.
My efforts to get him to teach the baby to read haven’t been very successful but he is happy to help her learn French from LR… he does the game part for her as she can’t quite manage it yet lol
I was considering a reward/ payment system Wolfwind… it is hard work for them… Am trying to think of non-food options that would be a treat for him:
getting some time on the ipad (to play a game or something),
using felt tip pens.
He would like the bell dinging thing, we have a toy trumpet that would work
And… we’ll also just keep reading loads of books & sooner or later, when he’s ready, he’ll take off by himself.
Thanks for the input,
Lois
I open Word, make font size 90, and write funny sentences like “cow is climbing tree, horse is flying in the sky, [child’s name] is stronger than Dad” and so on. But I do it for fun, and I never use any pressure, rewards etc. I think that if the toddler can read than no further pressure is necessary. She is already so far ahead, and we can afford the luxury of unschooling mode.
I wrote and illustrated a couple of stories with my daughter as the main character. She loved reading about herself to anyone who would listen. Also I got the lyrics to her favorite songs so she could sing them. Until she memorized the words, she was reading. I let her read and cross items off of the grocery list while we shopped. It is a big power trip for a 3 yr old to direct mom around the store. She also enjoyed being in charge of to do lists. Later I discovered that she liked email too. Also kids like to imitate other kids so maybe you should have her watch videos of kids reading.
Good Luck, Lori
Hi,
Me and my wife also face the same problem but after some time we decided to send our baby girl to pre-school, then after some time she understands the words and characters to.
Many thanks for all the great ideas! It is great to know that you all passed the stage I am going through. I am trying out various ways that you recommended. So far, asking her to read to her toys seemed to work somewhat. Thank you so much again!
Hi Frukc, I know you’re right, thanks for the reminder:-) No pressure necessary… “but” I’m so excited for him to get going by himself. In saying that when he “reads” his interpretation of what is happening in his picture books is usually funnier than the real thing so we can enjoy that a bit longer.
And yes, he knows way more than he lets on. I haven’t implemented a reward system (?yet) but a few times have said “oh this is a hard one, I’ll read this word”… no mummy, I can do it… so a wee bit of the reverse psychology works. He also prefers to read the words in his environment… we were making smoothies & he was going down the blender buttons decoding some of the words.
That & helping Mummy teach his little sister seems to be where I can encourage him without needing to be rewarded for now.
Did I mention that I love this early learning stuff? lol
I think you should enroll your daughter in preschool, as there her interest will be developed for reading through various activities.I enrolled my daughter in preschool when she was 19 months old, as through toddler programs, she is learning small motor coordination, language is developed, social development as well as self skills.
Hi everyone,
It has been a year since I made this topic. Thanks to everyone’s advice, I’m very happy that my kid, now 3 years 9 months old, has developed the hobby with books. One of the things I found is that reading a lot to her really helped. I’m a busy single mom, but I stick to the habit of reading to her every night before bed time. To encourage her imagination, I now read to her only chapter books or story books with very few pictures. I also bought the picture books which she liked, but I asked her to read them by herself. I found that she would pick up even the chapter books I already read and she would read the parts she liked over again. She used to be not very good at reading aloud, as she would read too fast and get lost in the words. But now, from listening to my reading, she has learned to control her speed and often offers to read to me what she finds interesting.
Many thanks again! I’m now struggling with teaching her math and arts. But then that will be another story.