RAISING GOOD CHILDREN–By Thomas Lickona, Ph.D. - excellent book on early moral development and connection between attachment parenting, obedience, early learning… I found it really helpful and a “must read”
You can get it on Amazon, but I wanted to share some of the key points that directly related to Early Learning and Early Development, hope it will be a help to others as much as it was to me…
It basically talks about laying the Foundation of Moral Development from Birth through Three
The Beginnings of Moral Development
In order for human beings to develop socially and morally, they have to first get attached to people. The feeling of love springs, at least in part, from loving behaviour. Physical contact is an important source of the feelings of love. If we want to feel a close, loving relationship with our child (and this goes for fathers as well as mothers), we should be in touch, literally.
A mother who, because she feels a loving relationship with her child, asks her youngster more questions (thereby encouraging more thinking) and uses reasoning and not just commands to get cooperation, is a mother who is fostering her child’s moral growth.
Babies Who Are Noncuddlers
What if your baby won’t put up with all that contact? A study by researchers found that about 25 percent of the babies in their study did in fact resist close contact, except during feeding. They called these babies “noncuddlers.”
On closer examination, however, the researchers discovered that it was restraint that these babies didn’t like. Noncuddlers did enjoy contact just so long as they weren’t restrained.
So babies may differ in how they like their contact. To make contact emotionally, to form their first human relationships, they need to make contact physically. With babies, a love that’s “only skin deep” can be very deep indeed.
Some great points on How Responsive Love Can Teach a Baby to Obey
Forming a positive attachment to a parent helps a baby learn to perform one of its first cooperative acts: Obeying a parent’s simple commands (such as “No, no!”; “Don’t touch!”; “Come here”; “Give it to me”).
Why do some babies obey more readily than others? Parents report that some children are just “easy” by nature, others stubborn from the start.
There’s evidence that parenting also plays a part. Researchers investigated infant obedience and found that the most cooperative babies, as a rule, had the most sensitive, accepting and cooperative mothers.
These sensitive mothers took pains to be responsive to their babies’ signals—for food, attention, comfort, time for rest and play, and so on. In short, they tried to keep their babies happy. On the whole, a happy baby tended to be an obedient baby.
Put another way: When a mother was willing to comply with her baby’s signals, her baby was willing to comply with hers.
By complying with their mother’s signals, obedient babies were practicing “respect” on their level. And they seemed to be doing it because they loved a mother who loved and respected them.
Feeding, Love, and Moral Development
Responsive parents are really “tuned in” to their baby’s needs. By loving babies in this responsive way, you help them get attached to you. All the ways you interact with your baby contribute to the kind of attachment you have and therefore, eventually, to your child’s moral development.
Take feeding as a case in point. Suppose you’re about to give your baby some solid foods. What will your approach be?
One parent may bring the spoon up slowly, carefully waiting for the baby’s mouth to open. Another parent may stuff another spoonful into the baby’s mouth even before the last one has been swallowed.
When introducing a new food, some parents take their cues from their baby’s reactions. If the baby makes a face or spits out the food, they may switch to a different food and come back to the new one a little later. If that doesn’t work, they may decide to save the rejected fare for another occasion. But other parents will make a battle of it, because they think their babies are being defiant and they don’t want them to “get away with anything.”
Securely Attached Babies Become Self-Confident 3-Year-Olds
There’s a direct relationship between security and independence. Babies who are secure in their attachment to their parents have the confidence to explore their world. They’ve got a home base. As they grow up, their self-confidence will enable them to be independent. It’s no different for us as adults. It’s easier to face the World, to stand on our own feet in moral or other kinds of situations, if we know somebody loves us.
Securely attached children are not the kids who hang on the mother’s apron strings. Those are overdependent children. Parents can try to avoid overdependence (which can be quite a challenge with youngsters who are naturally shy) by providing their child with lots of different kinds of experience, giving them increasing freedom to explore, allowing them to make choices and encouraging them to do things for themselves.
I found this very interesting, it does make sense and I felt that way before but it is nice to read about it written in the book : Love Leads to Learning
The study that followed babies into nursery school found that securely attached children were not only better developed socially and morally but that they were also better learners. That suggests that a parent’s love helps kids become smart as well as good. One of the simplest ways that responsive mothers show their love for the babies is that they’re picked up and put on a shoulder, and they very often stop crying and become “visually alert” and “scan the environment.” So when you pick up your baby, you’re helping your baby explore its world.
Of course, you don’t have to pick them up every time they fuss or cry. It wouldn’t be good for them if you did. Babies should learn, gradually, to amuse themselves so they’re not entirely dependent on other people for stimulation.
If babies are fussing or crying, and you can’t pick them up at the moment, you can try various forms of distraction. Change the position or view. Give them something interesting to listen to or to look at, like a mobile. Give them safe things they can touch and explore on their own.
Variety is a key factor. Parents should not only give their babies toys but they should also actively play with their babies and express pleasure at their pleasure.
So in Summary
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Your baby’s infancy is the time you form your attachment to your child. The more you touch and handle and play with your baby, the stronger that attachment will be.
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When you handle your baby, you meet a basic need for contact. That’s one of the first ways your baby gets attached to you.
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If babies don’t get love and don’t form an attachment in the first year of life, they may never develop the ability to love other people. Psychopaths are people who never learned to love. (Editor: It’s never too late for love!)
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In the first year of life, by tuning into and accommodating your baby’s needs, you create the kind of relationship that helps babies learn to obey. Babies get their first experience in mutual accommodation and respect.
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By being a responsive parent, you help your baby develop a secure attachment to you. That in turn helps your child develop self-confidence, independence and the ability to interact with others and respond to the needs.
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By providing babies with an interesting environment, you stimulate their exploration and learning. That in turn develops their general intelligence, which helps them later to develop through the stages of moral reasoning.
