Exceptional Child Rearing, Should We Be Ashamed?

Parenting and Education (Other) General Parenting
21

This is funny, I dont have children, I’m not pregnant or married not even engaged. My 2 sisters are the same but I have been exploring Baby Education in depth since the summer and I presented the idea to my sisters (19, 22, and me 20) that when we have children we could do these programs with our children.

First they said they were unwilling to “waste their time” doing all this “crap” for an infant who wont understand it anyway.
Then I offered to do the program for their children if they have children at a time inline with/convenient to me having children and they declined, laughed and scoffed and said if I do this, their going to forbid me from ever babysitting their hypothetical children. Remember, NONE of us have kids, we’re no invovled with anyone, we’re not married, nothing. But we’ve always talked of having our kids grow up together.

I said, well, I guess I’ll just do it for my children and we literally had a 1.5hr long argument/discussion with them about how they would “blacklist” me from their homes if I do this to my children,not let my kids around theirs, how they will encourage my children to not listen to me, calll child services on me, (try to) turn my husband and our parents against me etc, etc, etc…

They refused to read the blogs, browse this forum, watch the youtube videos, read the pamphlets or view the DVD from the IAHP or read the Doman books, they got mad every time they saw me reading them or sitting on the desk near me.

I mean they totally flipped out on me. It was weird to see how aggressive they got about this especially since they refused to view any of the literature or videos and since we dont even have kids.

I dont care in the grand scheme of things, I know that what I’m planning for my children isn’t wrong or hurtful to them. I troll the internet for the best curriculum choices now because I want to learn about as much as I possibly can now and have a smooth transition into a full-time mothering role.

Some of the things I dream of doing with my kids:

From 0 - 3.5 years
Multilingual Environment (English, Spanish, Arabic and another modern language) + Signing
Elimination Communication (I dont want my elderly parents in diapers, why would I put my baby in diapers?)
Doman from 0-36months (Physical, Reading, Math, and Knowledge cards)
1000 books a year.
Your Baby Can Read
Little Reader
Little Math

From 3.5 -7 years
Jones Geniuses Math Curriculum
New American Cursive Program (I would prefer they only write cursive and pick up manuscript on their own)
500 Books a year minimum
Speed Reading
Mental Calculation Arithmetic
Algebra
Spalding for Reading/Spelling
2 Instruments minimum (Recorder, Violin, Piano, anything that interests them)
Swimming
Gymnastics

My goal is to nurture as much of my childs natural genius as possible from jump. If a dog can be trained and conditioned from birth to bring out the best of its breed or species then why is it hard to believe that a human child cant?

My goal is to have my child comfortably on a Middle School level of academics by the time they are “elementary” age so that we can spend “elementary years” 110% on what they want to study.

To this day I struggle in math so badly, I want my kids to be Masters in Math and have a can do attitude about math no matter what. I plan to use a combo of Doman, JG Math and Rays Arithmetic (for its extensive use of emphasis on word problems) with my kids until we exhaust that. I’m hoping that by then there will be a few more options for teaching “advanced” mathematics such as algebra and calculus, if not, I’ll work that out also.

I want to put the money typically spent on cable television bills and keep my child supplied with educational games and materials. Sue me.

I’m a technut, I hope my husband will be a technut and I hope to raise my kids to be technuts.

22

I’m sorry to here your sisters are being so harsh. Maybe they are just not at the same maturity level as you are. It’s so wonderful you are planning for your future child so early.
When the time comes just don’t tell them what you are doing. There is one thing about educating people but I would hate to see their negative attitude ruining this for you. And in the end they will see how happy your child is. The truth is in the pudding :slight_smile:

23

Stick to your guns. People like to find fault with others and when you do something radically different from the norm the old fear what you don’t know kicks in and you get all sorts of reactions.

My son’s aunty (my sister in law - I have trouble thinking of her as a sister) dropped by the other day. We see her maybe twice a year. My boy decided at that moment to show everyone he could write (I haven’t actually taught him yet, bought the booklet last week but haven’t finished preparing the lessons so this is huge he just starts writing :biggrin: ).

So of course her automatic assumption is that I have taught him to do this, that the poor child is experiencing awful lessons full of hand cramps and that I’m trying to create a super baby and am robbing him of his childhood. It was the same when we used cloth nappies, everyone had a bloody opinion.

People don’t like change and worse still they can’t stand seeing someone doing what they know they can’t - that is sacrificing what little free time and money we have to give our children a future full of options.

The sad thing is that my son had a momentous occasion (he wrote the word “cat” by the way) and instead of it being celebrated and encouraged he had to watch the person he was trying to impress go all stony faced and start lecturing and instead of me having that moment with him to relish in his achievement I had to defend my son’s rights to do the things that please him.

If people have a go at you about your decisions just remember if it wasn’t that it would be what cream you use to prevent nappy rash or what age you put shoes on them or a myriad of other things that “civilized people” can see only one option for because being a sheep and doing what everyone else does is safe.

24

Wow Mom2Bee, that is really amazing that you are planning on doing so much with your future children, you are such an inspiration! Karma to you :slight_smile:

25

A little advice, Mum2Bee - get started preparing your flashcards now! I knew for about two years before I had Nicholas that I wanted to do Doman and yet I only made a couple of dozen cards. I really regret it now, as I have sooo little time for preparation of materials and have had to forego BITs almost entirely (either that or ignore baby completely, which is just WRONG).

26

I find it amusing that my wife’s friend thinks our baby watches “too much TV”(YBCR, TW, Trebellina and Signing Time). She isn’t really concerned that her kids can’t read or write their name at 5-6 yrs old, which is fine for her. She has 4 kids from 1-6 y.o., so it’s easier to have them watch a moveie or play video games–I just don’t see why educational movies are bad and Disney movies are ok?!?

What’s amusing is that she has no problem with her kids being video game addicts and some of the poorest eaters I’ve ever seen. Also a lot of discipline issues including a lot of talking back in disrespectful ways and refusing to behave and listen to parents.

We don’t plan on letting our little guy watch any mindless cartoons especially those that include name-calling. He loves anything with music, so hopefully we can get him playing with music sooner.

27

Lol, how absurd can people get?

I plan on letting me kids watch:
Little Pim Spanish and Chinese versions,
Muzzy Spanish and Chinese versions
Wink To Learn,
TweedleWink
Monki See Monki Doo
YBCR.
Home Made Educational Videos
Anything else I darn well please to show my kids
Anything I deem worthy from a Netflix Subscription

I figure around 3 or 4 years old, I’ll begin to allow cartoons in minority languages more regularly. With the average cost of cable being about $50 a month, plus taxes and premium channels, I dont feel bad spending $600 on videos/dvds that will last for 3+ years for multiple children because this way I can exercise control over at least 90% of what they are viewing and when.

Dont let anyone make you feel bad Ourosboros1, keep doing what you’re doing. Hopefully it will pay off with interest in a couple of years.

I love the idea of nurturing my kids natural genius and exposing them to the world as much as possible while they are young. I want to foster a close relationship and show them the world and help them explore it safely and joyfully. I want to stay home with my kiddos while they are young anyway, why would I sit by and watch them grow when I could put down my book, and in 10-20 minutes a day, teach them to read, calculate, learn, know and understand and move about in their world.

I want to raise my little babies to be little men and little women.

28

@ Ouroboros1, I actually know exactly what you mean! I wrote a PSA on TV viewing and on doing research I saw a blog conversation about letting 3 year olds watch iCarly (pre-teen/tween/teeny bopper show) and snuggling up to watch that, and few of the several entries were against it, most were for it or other similar teen/tween shows. With our children watching shows like that (or excessive TV period), playing video games, and generally being handed the gift of educational under-stimulation and poor media overstimulation, do we really expect them to pick up a book and read? Rather parents such as ourselves are just “sapping” the life and “creativity” out of our little ones, the idiocy of such an idea astounds me. There is a general “fear of the unknown”, but then again, several others choose to remain in ignorance and spouting off their negativity because of their own poorly masked attempts at covering up their own educational fallacies. I fully believe that you are supposed to want the best for your kids, so jumping down the throats of parents such as ourselves that are willing to put in the work somehow seems to justify their own inadequacies. I had an experience this weekend where someone made the “indirect” opinion of me needing to be in the house reading a book to my son (again, a poorly covered up attempt at them covering up their own inadequacies) well, my son reads books to me. Opinions are like bellybuttons, everyone has one. I refuse to keep being made to feel uncomfortable because I have put in work for my sons education.

29

I am so glad to find this forum and especially this thread!

My baby is only six weeks old, but we’ve done the program in Doman’s “How Smart is Your Baby?” and she’s always getting comments on how strong and responsive she is for her age. I find that I do act ashamed of telling people what we’ve done; I shrug it off as “luck,” which it isn’t at all. I’ve told family members a little, and they’re supportive, but I’m still afraid I’ll get told that I’m “pushy” and “depriving” my child of her childhood. I know it doesn’t add up logically (a few minutes a day, only done if she looks like she’s having fun, is depriviation?), but I’m still scared.

I think I will be hiding the flash cards, which sounds ridiculous, but I don’t want to have to argue about it. I don’t want people to be judging me, and I’m convinced that they would.

However, I’d never even thought about how much TV most kids watch before preschool. My husband and I don’t have any TV in the home (we have a television so my husband can play Dance Dance Revolution, but no cable or local channels) and I would never show my kids TV. Maybe a few movies, but I’m not planning on more than 1 movie a week, and probably less. So it never occurred to me that a “normal” childhood would include lots of TV. That makes me feel a lot better about a few minutes a day spent with flashcards. It’s got to be better than yul gabba gabba (watched it babysitting once and was appalled - stupid, ugly, pointless in my opinion [sorry if you like it!]).

Maybe I will look into media-interactive learning programs. I didn’t want to have any “screen time” for my kids, educational or otherwise, but I’m really not convinced that flashcards will be interesting enough on their own. The descriptions of Little Reader sound very interesting (just found this today and haven’t read much yet). That might be worth using my computer with the kids.

Anyway, it’s so good to be in a place (even virtually) where everyone is supportive and I don’t have to defend myself. I’m so excited to teach my baby anything she wants to learn! I’m glad that other parents feel the same way.

30

@WolfWind, yes its quite sad actually. Kids aged 2-5 are watching an average of 32 hours/week. By the time kids go to first grade, the FCC says they would have watched an equivalent of 3 school years of TV. My son hasn’t had a massive emotional breakdown because we don’t watch TV, but you know, I’m crazy for such “torture”. I can’t keep letting it get to me, because I know why we have chosen the path that we have. I think about all the time we spend doing things like puzzles, and writing, and practicing piano and violin and all of our little mini lessons and imagine trying to squeeze all of that in between his favorite shows. Right now it all falls into place because we have so much time between school and bedtime, but if he were to watch even the daily recommendation of 2 hours per day, that’s a lot of our activities gone. A virtual forum is nice to at least have some support. When comments are made about his development I do say that I work with him at home, I wouldn’t want anyone thinking it was “luck” either. Going into detail though is really tricky and to those that are unhappy with their educational involvement concerning their kids, or their child’s developmental level, it sounds “pretentious”. This forum is a nice reminder that 1) we are supposed to have a strong presence in the education of our kids, 2) early education is one of the best gifts we can give/help foster as parents, 3) we’re not crazy!

31

I find that we get comments from both sides. There are some that are so amazed by Josiah that they want to start their children on early learning, like my sisters. Unfortunately, they believe that this is an overnight thing. In a conversation with one, I remember being totally appalled when she said " I have been working with him every night, trying to get him to sit still for a lesson, but he won’t do it. He won’t sit still long enough. He’s doing ok, but He’s not where I want him to be." I had visions in my head of her spanking him because he wasn’t paying attention, etc. I regret telling her about early education. That poor baby.

And then there are others that think he is a little baby wonder. There for their entertainment. “Can he read this?” “Get him to do this!” Um… no. He’s not a toy.

And the on the other end, I was telling family friends about what Josiah had learned and how he had learned it. Horrid looks of shock were growing on their faces. I then said that we were thinking about homeschooling Josiah. “Why would you want to do that to him?” Like it’s the worse thing I could do for my son!

Maybe because my husband and I are both life long learners, I just don’t understand people that aren’t. It seems that the “What was good enough for my parents is good enough for me. And what’s good enough for me is good enough for my children,” runs entirely too deep through some veins.

32

Quote of the day: “Um…no. He’s not a toy.” I think I am going to use that in the future when people ask my son to perform like he’s a circus clown, or an over-pedigreed dog. lol

33

I don’t get it - the majority of people in our generation and previous generations hated school. Very few reached their potential and most came out hating the learning process.

Then they’re surprised that we want to try a different approach to schooling and education.

34

Be my guest, RenaissanceMum! :yes:

35

I am actually a bit embarrassed to admit to early learning. And I am embarrassed to admit to being embarrassed here. Maybe it’s because we are new to the whole thing and my daughter hasn’t given any sign of learning anything. Once she is a genius, I’ll tell, I promise. But in case she never learns to read by 2, I’d rather people didn’t even know we tried. Is this silly?

36

I understand your thought process, and even if you choose not to tell, then its your choice. Like some of the other posters mentioned, when your little one is a genius, you might not want it attributed to luck, especially if you are putting in work to unlock your babies genius potential. I was a late early education bloomer, I tried to rely on methods that simply weren’t working for my ds, if your daughter happens not to read by 2, it should not make you feel ashamed. At least you are trying, and that is what matters. Don’t be embarrassed, that’s what we are all here for, to support each other. :yes:

37

Here here!

Besides, your child may not want to be put on display. Many children dislike it. Ultimately, the fact that you are doing something with your child is showing your child that you really care about them and their future. You shouldn’t be concerned with opinions of others within or out of this forum. And early education isn’t results driven. So what if she doesn’t show off? Remember that Einstein was well into his childhood before he even began to speak at all!

At the same time, however, it may be a good thing that you don’t tell everyone. Some people, especially those with older children can’t handle finding out that they didn’t jump start their child’s education. Many refuse to accept it, not because it doesn’t work, but merely because it is too late to work in their life. Or your efforts to attempt to be your idea of an amazing parent may put a dent in their self esteem. They may feel they didn’t do enough. It’s a threat to their self definition. There is a lot of pressure for everyone that can be avoided if you just keep to yourself, or only tell those that you truly believe will benefit from the knowledge of early education.

I, myself, feel a little behind when I read what others are doing with their children in forums and on blogs, but then I remember that my little guy loves what we’re doing and where we are in his learning. And I want to add that I am so thankful for eveyone here that does share, but sharing is not for everyone, lizaveta. So no, it’s not silly. It makes sense. Just try to develop a healthier outlook on your reasons for not sharing. Otherwise, your child might sense your disdain. Kids have pretty accurate little radars!

38

Never be ashamed. You should be proud that you care enough to spend the time to help your child.

My dd is 3.5 & I really didn’t tell anyone until she was over 2, & then it was mainly close friends or family. Now I will tell anyone, but usually only if the subject comes up or if they see dd reading or showing off her knowledge in other ways.

The biggest reason I didn’t tell earlier, is that I didn’t think people would believe me. Before I started looking into this for my youngest dd, I had never heard of teaching babies to read. The fact that my dd who was sight reading quite a few words & new her alphabet & at least numbers 1 to 10, before she was two also has Down syndrome, is so amazing to me. I really don’t think others can really understand. Even those who see her read, & believe she can do it, really can’t quite grasp what they are seeing. I have a good friend who I am not able to see often that knows dd is learning over 40 words each week, yet she asked me a while ago if dd knew her own name! lol

People’s expectations of my dd are a lot lower because of her diagnosis. I had someone tell me one day that she could tell my dd was “very high functioning”. At the time, my dd was standing in a shopping cart. I’d like to know how you tell someone is high functioning by the way they stand in a shopping cart! Later, my dd decided to read a sign in the store & point out a bunch of letters. I had to giggle at the lady’s expression after that. lol

It is nice to be able to tell people now, because I’m hoping to spread the word to other parents of kids with DS that their kids can do amazing things to. Expectations are often unnecessarily low.

39

Strange, but I had the same prob with Kyle’s pediatrician just a few days back!

He was pushing me to send Kyle to school, saying I shouldnt help him to learn to socialise and that knowing too much aint soo good for kids!!! that it makes nerds out of them…
they feel probably that we teach n teach n teach all day and force books on them… Hahaaa!!!

as if! they shud have a hyper son like mine who has a varied range of interests in things!!!

seriously, people should know more before they comment on our hard work, and i dont mean my son’s doc, but in general they do this… in case of my pediatrician I honestly believe this is what he has seen, cos our community is small… and so far he believes things when he is explained…

but its hard to explain this to general mass and I dont opt in explaining anymore!

40

lol Ah yes, the homeschooling ‘thing’. I’m not surprised that they said that. Most people are still very uneducated in what homeschooling is and what its all about. Its still a rare thing to come upon a person who is supportive of homeschooling.
I’ve homeschooled for 8yrs. My daughters are attending a private school this year , but while I homeschooled I met such resistance from my in laws that it was down right offensive sometimes. Actually since my daughters are attending school they are making me feel like pulling them out as if like we were putting them in school to appease them.

In all actuality I find this year to be a huge waste of time. I’m paying to basically do more at home then my children are doing in school to keep them challenged.

Anyways, don’t expect support from others outside your own family ( hubby, you and child are about it). You may get someone to say something nice everyonce in a while.