I was looking for an information how to solve my problem at night, so that I have a baby 1y and 5m who is crying so much every night and I step by this article, maybe it can help other parents because in my case I think I am late or maybe not. From now I decided to change my way and test…
A Part of the article:
Parenting and infant sleep.
Sleep medicine reviews 2010;14(2):89-96.
Infant sleep undergoes dramatic evolution during the first year of life. This process is driven by underlying biological forces but is highly dependent on environmental cues including parental influences. In this review the links between infant sleep and parental behaviors, cognitions, emotions and relationships as well as psychopathology are examined within the context of a transactional model. Parental behaviors, particularly those related to bedtime interactions and soothing routines, are closely related to infant sleep. Increased parental involvement is associated with more fragmented sleep. Intervention based on modifying parental behaviors and cognitions have direct effect on infant sleep. It appears that parental personality, psychopathology and related cognitions and emotions contribute to parental sleep-related behaviors and ultimately influence infant sleep. However, the links are bidirectional and dynamic so that poor infant sleep may influence parental behaviors and poor infant sleep appears to be a family stressor and a risk factor for maternal depression.
Here is what i do with my daughter, might not work for everyone but she’s now 20 months and asks to have a nap and goes to bed at night happily and i don’t hear from her until morning…
-we have a structured routine throughout the day
-she has lots of outdoor exercise morning and late afternoon
-i make sure she eats enough at night and finishes her meal an hour before going down. if she did not eat well i put cereals in her milk
-her nap never exceeds 1.30h and she wakes up no later than 3pm.
-bedtime is 7pm sharp. before this, there is an hour of winding down: bath, brushing teeth, massage, getting dressed, kissing everyone goodnight, saying bye to pets, chosing books, reading books, lights off, long cuddle in bed while discussing the day (well as much as discussion can go with a 20mo), prayers, kiss, and she hops in bed.
-Her bed is in my bedroom.
Hypatia, thanks for posting that. It’s kinda common sense but just helps to hear an exact schedule sometimes esp when I am questioning myself! My daughter sleeps horribly, in a separate bed in my room, but wakes alot. I am trying pretty much just what you said and it’s getting better.
Hypatia,
Thanks so much for such a detailed bedtime routine!
My daughter still wakes up 1-2 time at night to nurse, she goes to bed 8~9 pm and wakes up 6.30~7pm + 2 naps,
we’ll be definetely trying out your schedule! BTW what time she wakes up?
TIA
Nadia.
I don’t think my post will help you marimari but just want to say what I think. My 21 months old was always a bad sleeper. Even now she gets up 1-2 during the night. Her nap is 1.5 hours and is usually from 12.30 to 2 p.m. It’s always a problem to put her to sleep. There was a month when she slept from 9 to 6 without getting up. I was following one of those sleeping techniqes for almost 2 months and was very happy it finally paid for itself. Then all over sudden one night things went back to “normal”: fussing, crying before falling asleep, getting up crying at night. Nothing changed in her routin by the way. Me and my brother were bad sleepers too. Even now I am a very light sleeper and it is hard for me to fall asleep. So for me the answer is in genetics. You can do some improvements but you cannot change something that is written in your genes. It’s my point of view. Oh, she swims in the pool almost every evening for 30-45 minutes with no floaters. I would think that is enough to wear her out by her sleep time. But not with our luck, I guess.
Hi Marimari,
I think it depends if the child is more or less emotional.My first child is 7y and sometime awakes in the night when dreams someting.When he was younger he didn’t want to sleep during daytime and when we go to bed in the night I had to stay with him in the bed for hour or more to fell asleep because it was hard for him to calm down.Also he awakes in the night and asks if I am there. He is very emotional and still have problems with calming down before he falls asleep.But now that part take 10-20min.I also have another child wich is 1y and 8 months and she is calm person and when we go to bed she will fall asleep for 10min.She sleelps well in the night with but sometimes she is moving all over her bed.
My baby (younger than yours, so pre-teething and pre-nightmares) has been sleeping through the night (8PM to 7 AM) since he was 6 weeks old (he is now 6 mo). I recommend reading Ferber for advice related to sleeping problems in toddlers, but I can tell you that his methods worked like a charm for us. a few principles based on his books:
Establish a feed/wake/sleep schedule during the day. Make sure that your baby doesn’t sleep too much during the day and eats enough
Consistent and soothing bedtime routine
Put baby down while he is awake, this way he learns to fall asleep on his own
Be willing to wait increasingly long before responding to crying. 5 min the first time (to check that nothing is physically wrong), 10 the next etc. The reality is that babies rarely cry for more than 20 min at one time, and the occurences decrease dramatically as they lower their expectations. It is harder on you than on him… and when you do go up, keep it low key, don’t pick up the baby if you can help it, keep lights down, don’t stimulate.
Ferber has its critics, but it works and is not dangerous, and while implementation can be hard on parents, it is not cruel if you apply common sense, and it is for the good of the child, because children need quality sleep and a lot of it. We have a very happy, healthy, well rested baby who can tolerate occasional disruption in his schedule without a melt down. :biggrin:
Thanks for an interesting discussion. I think sleep is one of those things that we tend to really get hung up on and are always looking to find solutions to. The thing to remember is that no solution will suit every child and sometimes we need to adapt to our children’s needs.
When my first child was a baby all the advice I was given was to do a version of Ferber’s sleep schedule. This just didn’t work for my child and even my Mum came over to sit with me and show me how she did it with us. After my daughter not settling down at all even she admitted that it wasn’t going to work for my child. This was a huge turning point because I felt I had permission to let go of the idea that babies needed to learn to put themselves to sleep in a cot alone and actually listen to what my baby was trying to communicate to me about her needs.
Since then either my partner or I have always held them until they go to sleep. We’ve found that some time between 2-3 years of age they have decided to go to sleep by themselves in their own beds. I’ve found it quite easy to transfer them to their cots and pat them pack to sleep if they stir and except for when they are teething, unwell or having a growth spurt that means they want to feed in the night they have all slept through from a very early age.
I do believe that having a routine is important but think that you can have a routine that suits your family. Our routine at the moment is that we all have dinner together, then baths or showers, a story and bed. The older two girls (aged 8 and 4) will read in bed for about half an hour and my third daughter (2 yrs) will say she wants to read but will usually look at one page, put the book under her pillow and go to sleep immediately. Then my husband and I will turn out most of the lights in the house so it is really dark and quiet and usually watch something we have taped from tv or a dvd while I feed bubba and she goes to sleep. We find this really relaxing and our baby goes to sleep really quickly and then we have the rest of the night to relax.
I really think that it doesn’t matter so much what the routine is so long as it’s something you can replicate and your children can anticipate so they know what to expect and feel safe. I think feeling safe is the most important thing we can do to make sure a baby is able to sleep. Some babies need a bit more reassurance to feel safe so we need to give them that. For some a Ferber like routine will be enough but others will need more and I think that’s ok too.
Anyway, sorry if I am rambling on a bit too much for a newbie. Sleep is just something that I think is so important and I don’t believe parents are given enough information on alternatives to Ferber type sleep routines and in my experience it is not something that is suitable for all babies.