How do you evaluate your own education and development? Do you want your children to be like you? What if they will be like you?
My first kid (girl, 5,10) is very advanced for her age. In my region, school (first grade) starts at 7, and children must be able to read before they enter school. They must read 30 - 60 words per minute at the end of first grade. My girl reads at second - third grade level. The most important is that her comprehension level is much above the level of other 5 year old kids. She is also very bored in her kindergarten. We think that she should go to school earlier but everyone is against it because it is very uncommon here. She is also physically small, and emotionally very sensitive.
Until the birth of my second kid I was researcher, expert and University teacher. Now I do not want to go back to this work. I was in doubt until yesterday when we were in library and I was remembering all these hours I have spent earlier in similar places. Now I feel that I want to work in a place where I do not need to excel myself.
Generally I am lazy person. I like to read books, watch things from distance and walk in a forest. This does not depend on my IQ; probably I would have the same preferences if my IQ would be some 20 points higher.
My girl has inherited my sensitive temper but I was not that clever at this age. I was “late bloomer”. Partly, my failures can also be explained by my very low self-esteem caused by my wrong childhood. My girl is very self-confident, if compared to me at this age.
Early learning puts some pressure on a child. She is better, and she should be better also later. It is good for the academical success. But earlier or later she will find herself. Maybe after 30 years she will think “I want to walk in a forest and watch things from a distance; why I had to start school earlier than other kids?”.
Susan Polgar and her sisters who become prodigies but stopped their careers because they wanted to have families and children - are they happy now? Were they happy when they were top players? Will they be happy later? Would they be happier without being so different?
This is what I am thinking today. Tomorrow maybe I will change my opinion
I think I just want my children to have the opportunities that I didn’t have. My parents didn’t go to school and they always have encouraged me to excel academically, but I had absolutely no help at home, and of course no early learning possibilities. I did well, I have a PhD in physics and I’m a researcher as I wanted, but I really would have liked to have more support and opportunities at home. And I had to fight hard to go into my PhD, my parents just didn’t understand the purpose of it and they wanted me to get a job as soon as possible.
So I try to give my 3 kids lots of opportunities. To learn early, to learn different languages, maths, music, sports… and later they will choose. Of course I would like them to be physicists or mathematicians or the like, but I will be happy if they have a good and broad education…
Thanks
I did not feel the lack of possibilities. I had them, and I did not use many of them.
I do early learning because
it is interesting and it makes my daily life more colorful;
otherwise I feel that I am not good enough mother;
to make their further learning easier and, well, to provide them possibilities of choice.
It was fun until the last week. Now I have to decide whether she should start her school earlier. That will make her different from others. If her first grade experience will be bad, that can make her to feel different for the rest of her life. I am afraid.
I’m afraid I can’t help you with that… in my country children can skip grade only once in their academic life if they are assessed as “gifted”. My eldest is going ok in her grade, she’s not specially advanced (I didn’t know anything about EL when she was a baby and unfortunately I didn’t do it). I don’t know how my twins will do, now they are only 19 mo. But I think I will wait to see how they perform in first-second grade and then use the opportunity to skip if I think that’s the best for them. Skipping at 3-4 years would be nonsense here, they spend their time mainly painting until they reach first grade. But this is only what I think now… :laugh:
So, you already are ready to skip a year. I am not. I am not confident about it because of the sensitive (innate) temper of my girl. She is very easy overwhelmed. She does not fight and even does not resist.
I am trying to arrange appointment with school psychologist.
Yes, but only if I see them ready for that. I understand your concerns, and I think you are doing it right by thinking twice and looking for other opinions. Please keep us informed about your meeting with the psicologist!!
I understand your concerns, and it is great to see that you are considerate of your child’s emotional needs, and are ready to cater to them. Very few parents are doing that in this fast paced world. You are the mother and you will definitely take the right decision. I am a stay at home mom to 24 months twins (girl/boy), and have been recommended by many a friends and family that I should send them to a playgroup, but I have avoided doing so. My concerns are similar, my daughter is emotionally sensitive, and kind of skinny, though very fit and healthy (my observation has been that the weaker looking kids are the first targets at bullying, and boy does that start at a very young age).
Regarding happiness, I think happiness comes from living a life of your choice, and not choices imposed upon you by others. And it comes with compromises. I decided to stay at home for my kids, like many other moms, because I wanted to give them my time, hug the after they woke up from their naps, kiss them when they had a boo boo, start EL with them so that they get a good start in life. And as of now I am very happy, though we have to compromise on our finances. I would have missed my kids every moment if I worked, call me silly. I am happy to be there for them, till they go to school. EL is an extension of my love for them. I totally agree with Glenn Doman on more input and less testing. My kids can identify words, know their alphabet, shapes, numbers 1 to 13. We are still working on colors though, any suggestions are welcome.
So sit back, rest, hug your child and your answers will follow .
Thanks! I am sure that you are doing the best for your children
I will meet school psychologist next week. Emotional welfare of my kids and not their intellect has always been my priority. Secure attachment was my religion during the first two years of their lives. With the same parenting style, my kids grew up being very different in their temper. The first is highly sensitive child, exactly as described here http://www.hsperson.com/ . The second is “dogs bark but caravan goes on” type
Maybe my girl is “self-propelled learner” . I did some direct teaching until she was 2 years old; then the next kid came and I stopped. She started to read almost by herself, started co calculate after board games. I did not ask or even encourage her writing - but she is writing short stories. Without any correcting or critics she decided to correct her letters (J and Z to the right side) but still do not use spacings between words. I know her reading speed only because she is reading books to her little brother
I think I found an answer to my question about the happiness. Happiness is what we should search for right now and not to save for use after the decades. Who knows what will follow. My girl does not like the boredom in kindergarten and she wants to learn more (I know). If there will be problems, I will solve them. It is her own choice what she will do after 30 years
I always appreciate your posts.
Thanks for sharing.
It is so useful to hear your thoughts.
I reflect on my own parenting and how my daughters are using the new knowledge from this forum.
You make me smile.
The other day my husband and myself we were having a chat abt EL and how its going to be rewarding etc. We both had some questions in our minds:
I am an Engineer who decided to give up my career for being a stay @ home mom, its very likely that my little girl might want the same thing when she grows up.
How do you measure success? Who is a successful individual…somebody who has a great career and makes a lot of money and above all is very happy with themselves?
What are the intentions of moms and dads who decide to educate their kids very young. Is it to just give them all the opportunities in the world? So do you think you will be happy if ur little one decides to be a stay @ home mom/dad?
We had so many questions like this in our mind. At the end we both came up to the conclusion that we decided to educate our girl young i to help her with her edication in the future…to give her all the opportunities. We also thought that at the end of the day even if she is a stay at home mom …if she has all the skills …she can always use it anytime when she really wants to have a career.
Today we were at the school psychologist. During all the time of the visit, my daughter was sitting in my lap, with her face to my shirt.
It did not surprise me.
The psychologist could not assess the child and she could only talk to me. Of course, it is clear that there can be problems if this kid will be placed in a noisy classroom with 32 kids; she will be 6 year old and they will be 7.
Of course, psychologist said that this child does not seem emotionally ready for school. However, the final decision is up to parents.
If we decide to go to school next year, she suggested:
The child should stay in school the shortest possible time. School hours end at 12.00 but the majority of pupils continue to stay in school for extracurricular activities. This kid should go home and rest.
Before the school we should visit sand therapy sessions, where she will learn to be more secure. Sand therapy - do not know the exact term in English - is a popular method here. Once a week, kid and psychologist are playing in sand and with toys and dealing with psychological problems. We can even get sessions paid by state.
At the psychologist, my girl was sitting in my lap and psychologist warned me about all the possible problems which can occur in school. I already knew all of them; I am ready to participate and to solve them.
My girl witnessed all this talk. She heard about these problems the first time; about problems what she certainly will meet and also about the problems she will not meet because I know she is not that type. We finished our discussion optimistically. But my girl filtered this talk in another way and now she is really scared about the school and she says that she is too little and do not want to school, she is afraid of firm teachers and everything else.
I do not plan to visit another psychologist to solve problems created by this psychologist. I will use the recommended therapy. We still have time to decide; 1st June is the deadline.
I have never used a psychologist. So I don’t have the experience.
Please read my comments with a grain of salt.
Ignore me if I am not useful.
Reading your thread I am putting myself in the “professionals” shoes trying to work out why all the information needed to be loaded on to the two of you ASAP
Maybe I too would /could fall into that trap in my job?
I hope not because I believe in partnership first and trusting the family to find their own solutions.
How could it go so poorly?
Time constraints ;a lack of opportunity to form a relationship with you both; a perception that they knew best and a belief that your daughter was not able to interpret the conversation on her own terms.
I am a health professional but I never enjoy being on the receiving end.
Thanks for this topic, thanks for sharing your thoughts. My son is 4, goes to k3 full day. He reads at about second grade level. In the school he has a reading lesson with the school’s reading specialist and they go through the first grade level with grammar and everything. I am happy about it but for us it also means that yeas, by the time he will be there, he should skip a grade and start in second grade. I am ready for that but also know that he is a sensitive boy and socially not as advanced as academically. So getting ready, I am ‘training’ him every possible way, every day. Mostly talking and analising situations we see, read or experience in our every day life, encouraging him.
I am almost positive that if I had to choose now, I would probably choose him to stay with his same age classmates, because I want him to learn those social skills. In a way I think it’s even more important than being advanced at reading or math…I can help with those at home even after home. But being self confident, strong emotionally, it is really important and can affect every single part of his life now and later (I am also happy that I don’t have to make that decision today though).
This school psychologist was young. In our region, school psychologists typically are not the best psychologists; in case of serious problems, parents choose to go to “real” psychologists and not to public specialist in school.
Probably, she is experienced with aggressive and too active kids, and kids with learning problems; in our discussion she did not even mention that being too smart for her grade can be a problem.
Her attempt to talk to my kid definitely was a bit intrusive.
And her explanation about the possible problems was exaggerated; I was ready to hear it but she did not think that it is not for the ears of kid which was also listening.
I am sure that my relationship with my daughter is OK. She has secure attachment and she is self-confident. I am empathic and supportive parent. But my girl is highly sensitive child (hsc). These children typically seem “shy” in their childhood. It is OK to be highly sensitive. She is exactly as described in book “Highly sensitive child”, http://www.scribd.com/doc/60743155/The-Highly-Sensitive-Child
page 20
“Unfortunately, most people - and that includes parents - tend to notice mostly the down side of the sensitivity. This is because HSCs are easily bothered by things other children do not notice, … and can become totally overwhelmed by … changing situation. … They may refuse for a few minutes, hours, days, or even months to speak to adults, strangers, or in class.”
Our kindergarten teacher knows my daughter since she was 3. This teacher also says that: it took 3 months to get my girl talk to her (and at the same time my girl said me that she likes this kindergarten and this teacher; she just needed time to watch); that she is secure and self-confident; that she is definitely above the comprehension level of every other kid in this kindergarten. That sometimes she is looking at her equals in age like they are total strangers.
Stodd
I would probably choose him to stay with his same age classmates, because I want him to learn those social skills.
My main argument is that in kindergarten (here are children aged 3 - 7) my girl does not want to play with children of her age; she wants only children which are one year older. Socially she feels better with older kids.
But who knows.
It seems that we do not go to school this autumn. I will occupy her in various extracurricular activities.
Thank you
Yes I get it.
Yes I followed your info on the highly sensitive child.
It made a lot of sense.
I thought I had messaged you back then but at the time my Brillkids message connection wasn’t working.
I believe we had one. HSC
After following your thread it was the best explanation yet.
And after reading your info she believes so too. :yes:
May I tell a true story.
I consulted a physics teacher with HSC present .
He admired her academic abilities .
He asked me about her personality.
How would I describe her in a few sentences.
I said -if she had to wait for hours in this room and there was only one chair occupied by a cat she would stand.
He laughed and said he was like that too.
I understand this but i am not that extreme myself.
The cat would have to shift.
I do personally get into difficulties reading too much into other people’s emotions.
And having too many alternatives racing through my mind.
It is both good and a nuisance.
My HSC and I have great conversations when we see each other.
My husband gets completely lost in the first couple of minutes.
