I have a 15 year old step-son (Josh) and a 2 year old grandson (Chance). Honestly, I do not like the way Josh plays with Chance. Josh spends more time trying to discipline the baby more than playing with him. Through the whole play time, Josh is like, “Chance don’t touch this don’t put that in your mouth, you’re being a bad baby†and the list goes on. I would prefer that Josh does not play with him period. Josh thinks he knows everything and I need to be able to talk to him, and explain to him how to play properly with a toddler.
The end result of their playing is Chance hauls of and slaps Josh in face. Help! It would be nice if someone can attempt to answer this for me.
As a teenage boy, has he ever been around a baby/toddler before? I am guessing not, he is probably just impatient and clueless as to how to interact with one. I think time and loving guidance would be what’s needed in this situation. Does his dad have a close relationship with him (the teen)? If so, he might be better to sit down and talk with him if your husband agrees with your feelings or have witnessed similar interactions. What does the toddler’s Mom think of the situation?
Someone should explain to him:
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He is a role model and has a very important job of helping teach his little brother lots of things, like how to treat and talk to people as well as ride a trike, throw a baseball, etc. Emphasize that the baby will emulate big brother’s tones and actions. The child will also take phrases to heart, as fact, such as the idea that he is a “bad baby,” when in fact it is the behavior that is undesirable, not the child.
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Offer examples of appropriate play and conversation. “He really likes it when you tickle his belly.” “It’s better that we tell him to 'walk please” instead of telling him not to run."
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Discuss what his appropriate role is in “disciplining” the toddler verbally and how he can redirect behavior rather than scold.
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Share some developmental attributes of a toddler, maybe printed off of a website so big brother can see that little brother is a typical toddler, not a “Bad Baby.” http://www.whattoexpect.com/toddler/month-by-month.aspx
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If the teen grows frustrated easily, keep play sessions short. If you need him to watch the toddler, something like “Would you mind playing with him while I fold some laundry real quick? It’ll be about 15 minutes, and he’s a bit cranky so he need’s you to be extra patient with him today. If he is just not cooperating, let me know and I’ll save my chores for later.”
The teen wants a relationship with his little brother, correct? That is a good thing, he just sounds like he needs loving guidance and reminders about what is appropriate! He probably has no idea his behavior is unacceptable. If all else fails, brainstorm ways to keep them separate without hurting anyone’s feelings or start removing privileges from the teen if he truly is rude or mean to the toddler, but at the same note don’t over favor the toddler as if he is innocent 100% of the time to the point that the teen resents him. I am sure he knows how to instigate his brother too!
Lastly, is the teen getting enough one on one attention from Mom & Dad? Does he have a reason to resent the toddler (jealousy)? Good luck, I know it’s a tough situation.