Didn’t our parents used to say they “pick us up from the lap sap tong(garbage bin)”?? ;D Can that qualify as calling us “garbage”? haha! :yes: lol
I’m Chinese in Singapore. I guess there’s too many Chinese here for any method to stand out! I think we’re all average compared to each other. Certainly not extreme like Amy Chua.
I read the excerpt in OWSJ with my teenagers. They do agree on one thing though. About the “nothing is fun until you are good at it” phrase, altho’ they were quite amused at the “no food”, “no toilet” until the little girl could play her piano piece. They were thinking what the little kid did - “wee-wee at the piano?”. ANd I think one of my kids would have protested about the “no other instruments but piano & violin”.
It’s a fantastic article! Really gives food for thought. The thing I agree with most is the “nothing is fun until you’re good at it”, and that we should be careful of not fostering an attitude where the child gives up too quickly.
Having said that, I don’t believe that it needs to be implemented in the way Amy Chua does. I certainly wouldn’t.
Ultimately, parenting is a very personal matter. If we think we can use some of the principles, then use it. If not, do something else you’re comfortable with!
Are you wondering what her own children think?
http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/why_love_my_strict_chinese_mom_uUvfmLcA5eteY0u2KXt7hM
This is one of the best things that I have read here. I understand the idea behind steady motivation, but anything that makes any person feel any less joy in themselves as a person will come to accept themselves as a failure. Children want to make their parents proud.
As a child, I was an over achiever. I made the grade, because I knew I could and I knew it was expected of me. However, that really had nothing to do with the person that I have become as an adult. I may have made the A’s, but I stopped there, because that was all that was expected. Over time, I lost sight of the things that I truly enjoy. I have only recently rediscovered these things. I didn’t know who I was or what I was about. My parents weren’t abusive (well, maybe a little verbally as I got older), but there was always pressure. I glowed in knowing that I had reached their expectations, but still, I have only recently delved into my passions.
I was labeled the successful one. My siblings were the failures in my shadow. In the end, we all crashed. They accepted failure and I accepted that academic success was what mattered. All wrong. Guess what? College Drop Out, by choice. Had a full ride, total scholarship. I just didn’t know what I wanted to do. I didn’t know what I liked. I was great at performing in everything, but I didn’t enjoy it. And if I did, I wondered if I would enjoy something else more? After I let everyone know that I was doing things my way (by dropping out) and all the pressure left, I was finally able to discover myself. If we keep telling our children who to be and that someone is better because of blah blah blah, how will they control their own lives?
I do believe that children should try their best and that ANYONE can make an A, but I think as parents you’d better be ready to show your child the joy and benefit in whatever you are pushing them towards. If you can’t help them enjoy math, then how can you expect an A? Are you not responsible for raising your children? Is education not part of growing up? And aren’t parents suppsed to show and teach children to become adults? Education is part of adulthood. A child is merely a direct reflection of a parent. If your child can’t “naturally” rise in a certain area, you should take it personally.
And as for discipline, that is also a reflection of parenting. Rude adults bring about rude children. And people that believe “That is just the way I am” need to get a “real” life, and expect nothing less of their children’s attitudes.
Those are my thoughts. They weigh heavy on my heart, because my youngest brother should be graduating high school this year. He dropped out from the wrong kind of pressure. Everyday, he is told that he useless, lazy, won’t go anywhere. And more and more, he believes it, and I want to cry, because I can’t undo what has been done.
It took a week for me to read all these comments
http://www.quora.com/Parenting/Is-Amy-Chua-right-when-she-explains-Why-Chinese-Mothers-Are-Superior-in-an-op-ed-in-the-Wall-Street-Journal
but every story here was as earthbreaking for me as the original article.
Thanks for sharing, some insightful reading.