What a good point. Instead of just admonishing bad behavior, it is a great idea to teach an alternate appropriate behavior. Also, as you aptly stated, it is more effective to increase good behavior than to decrease bad behavior. Children strive for praise so if you notice and compliment good behavior then you will get more of it. It is much harder to get good behavior by criticizing bad behavior. I’m always working on being more positive with my imulsive 6 yr old son, but many days I’m disappointed in myself. Sometimes I find myself saying “stop it, put it down, don’t touch your sister, and NO!” nearly all day long. Days when I manage a more positive therapeutic approach he is better behaved. He isn’t bad, but he has a learning disability and can be impulsive. Accidently he injures himself or his sister several times per day. Usually the injuries are minor. YQueen, I really needed this reminder because tomorrow I’m taking them both to a busy aquarium by train. With a nurturing upbeat tone, I need to tell him “Honey, do this,” rather than snapping “DON’T DO THAT!” It’s amazing because sometimes he is so well-behaved that strangers compliment me on his behavior. But in some situations, especially at home, he gets wild and it exhausts me. Before we get on the train, I need to repeat a little mantra - “I am an upbeat positive Mommy who praises good behavior and redirects her children with ease.”
Thanks Lori It’s very nice to know you can relate and you’re right about children striving for praise. It’s so easy to forget that. As mothers / parents being overwhelmed is something I’m sure we all experience. I know if I have to raise my voice, question or think about my actions, I lost control of the situation and my family has already assumed bad energy from me. The more I remind myself and develop good habits, the better chance I’ll pass the same positive influence.
Lori, Have fun tomorrow! And let us know all about it
Our aquarium trip went well. My children were well-behaved. We go to the aquarium several times per year. My son says he wants to work there when he grows up. We have a routine so each time it gets easier. My son remembered that he is allowed only one small item from the gift shop at the end and didn’t beg for more. We brought our own lunch and snacks from home so we saved money and ate healthier. It wasn’t very crowded which is unusual. My children got to enjoy the displays without others blocking their view. My son remembered some facts and names of the fish. And best of all, on the way home, my son thanked us for taking him. One of our best trips.
was just reading ur posts …there is this thing called “sleep talk”…(i havent tried this on my son…but my frnd has …and she belives it to be very true)…in india its called “Nidra Sanskar” the first ten minutes after ur baby sleeps talk to him in “present POSITIVE tense”,all the talk shud b positive …u must ask urself and decide wat u want out of your child for eg. if his friends dont take him while playing …then u tell him “ur friends will take u to play”…say u want ur baby to leave drinking from a bottle then u say “u drink with a glass”…u tell him how strong,polite and caring and intelligent he is…etc etc…u may try this if u like the concept…and let us know may b…take cre.
That is a wonderful idea. I used to have a hypnotist and he insisted that I listen to his programs during my sleep! I could not do that as my husband would not go along with that, but that you can truly get your child to accept some great suggestions. For this reason, never ever ever let your child sleep in a room with the television on some random program, they will get uncontrolled suggestions. I never thought about giving him suggestions with my own voice, that would be even better.
I still did not get Unconditional Parenting book, the excerpt helped a lot, I will be going to the used book store this evening to pick up a copy.
I read the book about sleep talk, it’s a very interesting concept
I have tried it with my son once, trying to get him to sleep thru the night, it didn’t work
I think you have to really believe in what you are saying otherwise it won’t work
It’s very nice to know you can relate and you’re right about children striving for praise. It’s so easy to forget that. As mothers / parents being overwhelmed is something I’m sure we all experience. I know if I have to raise my voice, question or think about my actions, I lost control of the situation and my family has already assumed bad energy from me. The more I remind myself and develop good habits, the better chance I’ll pass the same positive influence.