Thanks for asking me your questions. First of all, the whole idea behind the Pearls, the authors of To Train Up A Child, is to have your child have the right heart towards you. We are completely failing as parents if we get them to obey but they don’t do it gladly and willingly. The beautiful part about all of this is that when we set these boundaries for our children, they feel secure. They demonstrate this by expressing love to their parents. We are not just trying to have obedient, well trained children, they need to have the right heart.
It is important to give her exactly the opposite of what she wants when her behavior is not appropriate. I see a lot of ways in which you can work on things with your daughter. I just don’t want this post to get too long. If you want her to be gentle with the baby, then get down on her level and tell her that we are going to practice being gentle with the baby. You can practice on a doll or stuffed animal at first. Show her how you want her to behave. Then go to the baby and demonstrate how you want her to behave. If she begins to get rough, I would pick up her hand by pinching it and remove it from the baby. Just squeeze the top of her hand, and while pinching it, lift it from the baby. Softly and gently explain that this is not how we behave with the baby. Then begin again. If she continues to be rough, keep removing her hand with a pinch and tell her that is not how she should behave. The pinch is enough to get her attention and make her realize that you are in control and she needs to respect you and obey you.
When we tell our children to do something, we want them to obey with a right heart. If they do not, but still do what we asked them to, we should not consider this obedience. They should be given more of whatever they are hoping to get less of. If my kids complain when I ask them to wash the dishes, they get to do ALL the dishes for the whole day. This is an example of the point I am trying to make.
My first child began to get willful and disobedient and I didn’t know what to do. I resorted to yelling, because I didn’t know any better. I read Parenting Magazine back then, and nobody told me how to deal with a child that wouldn’t get out of the highchair, or wouldn’t stop touching the TV. When I came across the book To Train Up A Child, it was like a gift from God. I know knew how to do all the things that nobody ever tells you how to do.
As a new parent I used to say, my baby won’t do that. This book taught me how to have a baby that didn’t do that, without yelling, or getting stressed out. It taught me how to have sweet, loving and obedient kids. I have 6 and I wouldn’t care if I had 12. When they are well-behaved they are a joy.
Krista G, I love how you were able to explain how the discipline process is one of love, and that it ends with joy. I was blessed to have several families that modeled this type of parenting. I like To Train Up A Child because it is so practicle. Boy, sometimes the training process can be hard work, but I love how in the end we get to enjoy happy children and happy parents. :biggrin:
Thanks for your explanation and I think I need to go get this book soon! I can tell that you are very very patient mom!! Sometimes I just lost my patience especially when I am quite tired…
I don’t think it is patience. I think it is knowing how to have the situation end the way you want it to. It is empowering when you know you can bring these little ones back under control. Parenting is hard work and when you feel helpless to lead your children it is even worse.
I just have to tell you that I am reading Shepherding A Child’s Heart. I got it from my library. Wow!! What a great book. I am so glad you mentioned it. I can tell it is a gem. I can’t wait to find a bit of time to read it. I read it while I walked on the treadmill this morning. I can’t wait to walk tomorrow if I know that I will get to read. It seems that his ideas are in line with To Train Up A Child, but he goes in much more detail. I love how he brings the scriptures in to make his points. I am really excited about this book. I will definitely recommend this to others. So hear comes a big heart felt thanks from me to you.
I have to tell you that no 2 children are alike, and with my 4 I was surprised by how NATURALLY different they were from each other. I treated them the same, but they were born with such different temperaments. It really is like a lottery… you just dont know what you’ll get, and each time you get presented something different. Some kids seem naturally difficult, some are just by nature angelic. the more tantrumy they are, the harder you have to work,as if you are slack and turn a blind eye to it due to tiredness, it can become a really stubborn inbuilt unpleasant trait.
I have friends with older kids, so I’ve watched them from infancy, and I’ve noticed that if you pander to them, try to placate them and keep peace, they just keep up the behaviour for many years (maybe into adulthood). If they think their behaviour bugs you, they’ll keep doing it as your negative reaction rewards them somehow. I find whinging, sooking or crankiness hard to deal with, so I would freeze them out as if they werent there when they were doing that, and the behaviours did dry up. Having this problem with bub 4 now… she’s cranky and bad-tempered and tantrumy, with a stubborn streak where she deliberately tries to do things we dont like. Like insisting on holding her flashcards (and trying to wreck them) or not looking at books unless they are upside-down, or refusing to give her dad a cuddle when he asks for one, and giving me one instead. She has a fit if I put in a door barrier to keep her in the lounge-room, she demands free roam of the house and chucks a serious wobbly if she doesnt get her own way. I find it hard, but I either walk awayfor a while, or I stay in the room and ignore her. Sometimes i’ll give in, as I have to respect that her desire for freedom is legitimate and not evil, but I cant let her have her own way all the time, especially when I’m cooking. I just have to be firm with my no and turn a deaf ear to her protests. Because she doesnt understand I’m trying to protect her. But she has to learn I’m boss and I know best.
Hello everyone. I am new here, and I find this forum very helpful. I have a 5 months old baby and I feel like im experiencing the terrible 2 already. My boy won’t let me put him down, he just want me to hold him all the time. I do hope this is normal though.
