Sonya, I’m with you on the extension of childhood. I read some interesting stuff from one of John Gatto’s books ‘Weapons of Mass Instruction’. John was a one-time New York Teacher of the Year, who later left the school system because of disillusionment with how it worked. He devotes an entire subsection to ‘The Artificial Extension of Childhood’ in his book. On page 39, he says:
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``The same young people we confine to classrooms these days once cleared this continent when it was a wilderness, built roads, canals, cities; whipped the greatest military power of earth not once but twice, sold ice to faraway India before refrigeration, and produced so many miracles - from the six-shooter to the steamboat to manned flight - that America spread glimmerings of what open-source creativity could do all around the planet.
In those days Americans weren’t burdened by a concept of the phony stage of life called `adolescence;’ or any other artificial extension of childhood. About the age of seven you added value to the world around you, or you were a parasite. Like all sane people, so-called kids wanted to grow up as soon as possible - that’s why old photos show boys and girls looking like men and women. All that takes is carrying your share of the load, and a few open-source adventures and presto! You are grown up. In Ben Franklin’s day when you were ready to take your turn, no pseudo-sciences out of Germany stood in your way.
The pre-Civil War American economy was dominated by independent livelihoods, and even after the war, for another fifty years or so, young men (who would be called “boys” today) like Andrew Canegie could start life as an elementary school dropout at the age of seven, and be partners in business with the president of the Pennsylvania Railroad at age 20. Are similar lives being fashioned today? Of course they are, but it isn’t considered wise to talk about it openly anymore. Think of Shawn Fanning with his millions from starting Napster at age 18, and Fanning is far from alone - it’s just that those lucky ones allowed to do it are far more discreet in our time.
An earlier America celebrated accomplishment and shrewdness from any source. Kids weren’t locked away to provide employment for millions. America had room for anyone with energy, brass, and ideas. Foreign visitors like Tocqueville and DuPont de Nemours were constantly being dazzled by the high energy released in a society reaching for revolutionary egalitarianism, one which mixed all ages together, took risks, and discarded the rigid categories of European tradition.’ [/i] QUOTE ENDS.
He goes on and on, and on page 136, he says:
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``When, as happens with some frequency, I’m asked by parents for a single suggestion for changing the relationship between them and their kids for the better, I don’t hesitate to recommend this:
Don’t think of them as kids. Childhood exists, but it’s over long before we allow it to be. I’d start to worry if my kid were noticeably childish past the age of seven and if by twelve you aren’t dealing with young men and women anxious to take their turn, disgusted with training wheels on anything, able to walkabout London, do hundred mile bike trips, and add enough value to the neighborhood that they have an independent income; if you don’t see this, you’re doing something seriously wrong.
Even at seven don’t edit the truth out of things. If the family has an income kids need to know to the penny what it is and how it’s spent. Assume they are human beings with the same basic nature and aptitudes that you have; what you have superior in terms of experience and mature understanding should be exchanged for their natural resilience, quick intelligence, imagination, fresh insight, and eagerness to become self-directing.
Don’t buy into the calculated illusion of extended childhood. It’s a great secret key to power - power for your kids if you turn the tables on their handlers. And adolescence is a total fraud, a pure concoction of social engineers barely a century old. It’s a paradox, constantly threatening to solve itself as the young beat against the school jail in which we’ve confined them. Sometimes as I read obituaries - far and away the most valuable department in a good newspaper-I stumble across a new piece of evidence that what I’ve told you is true.’’ [/i] QUOTE ENDS.
I’ve often pondered about the above suggestion to parents for changing the relationship with their kids, and it makes absolute sense. I asked my husband ‘do you think the artificial extension of childhood is what causes poor parent-child relationship and teenage rebellion?’ Both of us thought it contributed to the problem immensely, because while the child wants to grow up, the parents want the child’s childhood extended, and this leads to a lot of friction.
So when scientists say that brain changes is what makes teenagers crazy, maybe they should go to cultures that do not have concepts like ` adolescence’ and do their research there. That will give them better comparative data, rather than simply making claims based on a particular culture. It is just like the whole myth of ``potty training readiness’’, they claim kids do not have bladder control at early ages, but how about going to China, India, and Africa, to find out how their kids manage to have bladder control at very early ages. As with anything research, I read, but use my critical mind to think about what I’ve read. Not all research is true, simply that is published does not make it true.
All in all, I’ve decided not to artificially extend my kids’ childhoods. I believe a good relationship with them (as John Gatto recommends) will result from my allowing them to grow up, under my loving guidance, of course.
I reflected on the Harding family, and I doubt very much their kids had teenage rebellion. They were too busy planning the next big thing they wanted to do with their lives, where would they get the time to rebel? The parents were busy reinforcing their dreams, encouraging them to grow up, and become whatever they wanted to be. One of the daughters, Rossanah, wrote:
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``It’s amazing how God plants a seed in our hearts, and it grows into a dream and you just know without a doubt it is what you are meant to do. That’s how it was for me in choosing to be an architect. I was blessed at an early age to know what I wanted to do with my life. And I was blessed with parents who encouraged me to pursue it and showed me that it was not that far from my reach. For most parents out there, when their 8 year old says to them, “I want to be an astronaut [insert profession here] when I grow up†they smile at their kid and say “Oh that’s nice†and go about their day. My dad on the other hand, would take it to heart. He would sign them up for the next space camp and introduce them to a friend of a friend who cleans rockets. Something that still resonates with me is the way my dad always encouraged us to set our goals and aim as high as we could. Don’t just settle for the middle. He would say “Shoot for the stars, and maybe you’ll land on the moon†meaning, If you aim as high as you can and don’t make it there, you still end up somewhere pretty amazing. But, if you set your sights too low, you may never reach your full potential. Even to this day, this mindset still drives me. Someday I want to open my own architectural firm with my husband and maybe friends from college. Why be a draftsperson when you can be your own boss and make your own designs a reality!
Mom and dad did not regarded age as an excuse for immaturity. They gave us responsibilities to help us grow and taught us to reason like adults. By treating us like adults – and by this I mean with expectation that were capable of a higher level of accountability – we often rose to the occasion and surpassed what would be considered the “norm†for our age. I think in many ways, this prepared us for real world decision making and gave us the confidence to participate with students several years our senior. People always say to my sisters and I that we are so mature for our age. I think this all goes back to building those invaluable skills of communication and measuring consequences. Parents are ultimately raising adults, independent human beings that are capable of living and being a light in this world. Favorite dad quote: “If you can’t think of anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.â€
I remember the moment I realized that I wanted to be an architect. Since early childhood, I paid attention to my surroundings and was much more interested in the way the light fell through the window than staring at a chalkboard. But even so, I had an appreciation for math in terms of its physical nature. The point where art and science collide seemed a perfect fit for me. There was something about the notion of creating something from nothing – or rather creating something from a single an idea. It was so exciting to me the possibility that something in my minds’ eye could become a reality.
In the early 2000’s when the housing market was booming, my dad found it a hobby to check out model homes of new housing developments in central California. I would tag along and be amazed at the size and scale of the spaces. As we were leaving the homes, I remember asking my mom, “Who is the person who decides where the rooms go?†She answered “Well, that would be an architectâ€. That was it. When I discovered that that was an actual job – getting to make beautiful drawings for a living and envision spaces that get built into realities – I know
that was my calling. I must have been 10 years old at the time….’’ [/i]QUOTE ENDS.
He is 4! Sounds like a great plan to me! 