Do you get worried that it's not really for the kids?

[Tanikit]

I had a baby in the first place for me. I do not think anyone can have a baby for the baby’s sake - nobody chose to be born. I wanted a child and now I have one (and I want another one and will do that for me too though I may say that my first child needs a sibling) and then suddenly everything becomes about my child.

So then I must ask: Do I feed my child for her sake or mine - I guess its a bit of both - when she cried I gave her what she needed for both our sake. I guess that is why children think they are part of their mother for a time and its only when they are older they start fighting for independence. Which means what she learnt when very very young was an extention to being part of her mother. And I was doing what I thought was best for her just as any normal parent does.

Which means naturally I value intellectual development. The question then becomes do I value it above other forms of development? Probably I do as it has been drummed into me by my parents and many people around me that education is very important and for that matter that excelling at something is also important.

For me though happiness is also very important but no one can be happy all the time else they wouldn’t be able to recognise happiness (one can only recognise black because of the presence of white)

Am I able to give my child everything? No. But can I make my child feel safe, secure, loved, stimulated. And is early education a part of this? I believe it is. Is it for me too? Of course. Is it only for me? I don’t think that is possible else my daughter would not participate as she does. Of course I am more likely to expose my daughter to things I like or have an interest in, but if she is not interested in it, there is very little I can do about it - pushing or encouraging. And in the end my daughter will tell me I have done something wrong and when she has her own children she will either repeat my mistakes (or at least what she sees as my mistakes) or avoid them.

For now she likes what we do with her. If she says no or requests something else then we follow her lead. There will come a time when she will have to do something she is not so keen on, but hopefully that will be in order to achieve a goal she does want to do and she will see the point of it.

I do not actually believe in a pure “love of learning” - people very seldom learn simply because they love learning - they learn because they are interested in something, because they like people to think they are smart, because they want to accomplish something and need to know how to do it and sometimes people learn as a means of relaxation. There are many other reasons to “love to learn” but mostly it is to move forward - which is why if you bore a child and do not stimulate him/her enough then he/she will not move forward and will not “love to learn.” Overstimulation resulting in frustration can lead to the same thing.

[Zeng]

I actually was wondering this question in the afternoon after reading the post about “genius in 28 steps.” I started to feel my motivation for early education is for myself, not for my baby. There was a survey done a few years ago in China about the so called genius students versus normal students. The students were all coming from a top university. The difference is that genius students were enrolled before they were 15. 20 years later, there are no accomplishment difference between genius students and normal students. However the genius students have more emotional and social problems. Take my own personal life encounters. My husband entered college at 13, graduated at 16 with three degrees, got master degree at 17, entered phD program at 18. He is not social, and in fact he does not know well how to be social. And so are his friends. Most of his friends are about the same level of intelligence. Believe me, they are so full of themselves. I certainly do not want my son has same “problem” like my husband. I always joke him a sheep with wolf skin. I am a normal person with above average intelligence and most people are just like me. It give me great joy to be able to relate to other people and make sense of normal life. I want my son able to see the beauty of normal life and normal people too and at least find beauty in relationships.

When you are so much younger than your classmates or so much superior to them, you could not relate to them and the result is that you missed the opportunity to develop emotional intelligence and social skills.

If early education produced a real genius like Einstein, then early education is useful. So far it seems to me that kids just get ahead of their peers a few years ahead. Well they started to earn salary earlier. I guess.

By saying that I do not mean I shall not educate my son at all. But I do mean that I probably shall not follow the academic way of education. Like reading, maths, writing, etc. Rather I shall give him a relative interesting environment and let him loose. I spent more than 10 hours in the closet this week with my two years old son. I do not understand why he likes to stay in the closet appears doing nothing, but I chose to believe that he must have his own valid reason and desire to do so. For that I honor it and I follow his desire. Who knows better about his own desire and passion than himself?

I know my post will offend lots of people. It contradict with my own earlier desire too.

[LDSMom]

I think a lot of it depends on what you are looking for. Once a person reaches a certain age, genius or not, they will decide how to live their life. You can’t go into this expecting your child to be the doctor who solves cancer or some other great thing because that is unnecessary pressure on them and not allowing them to choose and follow what they want to in life without feeling like they will be a failure if they don’t want to be what their parents want them to be.

I have personally chosen to teach my child to read early because of a family member and dear friend of mine who have severe reading problems. Now, they have still graduated with bachelors despite the fact, but I can see how hard they have worked for every class they’ve taken. I watched my mom struggle to help my family member with every homework assignment since gradeschool. I think to myself. I have no idea if my child will have learning difficulties or not, but I will do what I can to help him early rather than later. I have also chosen to teach my child a foreign language, spanish. The reasons for this aren’t necessarily because of how it will help him in school or how his brain will function, but for the need in our community to be able to speak both to get good paying jobs. (even low end jobs pay better if you know both) I also think Americans should have to learn more languages than just English. I remember being embarassed as I travelled through Europe that everyone had to speak to me in English because I hadn’t taken the time to learn more about their language before I got there.

That said. I don’t participate in Math Dots - although my 1 yr old can count to 10 in spanish and english. I don’t do the knowledge bits. I don’t want to fill his head with bits of info. I would rather teach him to read and have him learn it on his own or with me by his side, that way he’s reading what is interesting to him. I dont do the physical program. Trust me we get plenty of good exercise without it. I honestly don’t care if other people do these things, I just choose not to. I also think that since YBCR started their infomercial, that the knowledge of early learning and reading has skyrocketed in the US (Check google search reports on your baby can read) and I personally believe in the next 7 yrs you will have many many children going to kindergarten already reading and they will have to really adjust the school systems to fit with these children. I think the social problem may be solved as well if you have many children going to school already reading, they will still be with their peers and age groups, they will just be learning different material than kids today are. Maybe that’s wishful thinking but that’s how I feel.

[wenjonggal]

I am mostly writing to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread… it is very interesting reading. I don’t do early reading or doman flashcards with my 3 yr old son, and I don’t have the best opinion of all this early education… not that I would discredit it, but rather that I don’t think it is the thing I would do with my son… but I am doing three languages with him, and it is partially for him, and a great deal for me: I do not want to be accused by him, at the age of 18, of having taken him from China and lost all of his culture, language and chinese-ness. I figure if I can get as much Dora in Chinese into him as possible when he is three, even if he decides he wants nothing to do with Chinese at age 6, when he is 18 he will still have had this solid base of vocab, language exposure, etc and can build on it. So it is partially my fears pushing me (and besides, it is fun to learn myself)

I do think that most of the parents here are motivated to supply an enriched environment for their kids overall… ie making textile books, letting them play in mud, taking them to the zoo and playgroups, and not just keeping them from the world and making them do flashcard drills all day.

I also wanted to say to Akalori… I know it is tempting to feel that if only you had done the flashcards etc with your son… but I suspect that if he has learning disabilities, that you might have had the same difficulties as the experienced preK teachers… ie that the info doesn’t enter and stay the same way as it does with other babies… It is possible that the ER etc would have helped, but also possible that it wouldn’t have, and that he would need the special education anyways. Indeed I have tried to help a normal child learn to read, and also an illiterate 40 yr old, and I realised that she had learning disabilities… it was like trying to spread butter on water, whereas the time spent with the child… well she just learned so easily. I think it is wonderful that you are working with your daughter, and also that your son is getting intervention, but just think… thank god he had a fun early childhood, rather than doing overtime work on his flashcards at 18 mos, since he didn’t “get it”. And you may have concluded that indeed babies cannot read since you got no results with your son… I don’t know, but it sounds like you are a great mom and doing your best, and even the first Child Study Team didn’t diagnose him.

Why not do “early intervention with all kids?”… well, I would say that talking to children, interacting play with them, singing ABCs, reading books from infancy, IS early intervention and stimulation. And for most it is enough… most of us excellent readers, academic successes at school, good in math and spelling and critical reasoning, did have “enriched childhoods” in having engaged parents, nursery rhymes and songs, art supplies and love, but didn’t have powerpoint presentations and flashcards. I still read age 4 or 5. And others it isn’t enough, and they need more and intensive intervention when it is discovered that it wasn’t enough. But I don’t think we need to put all the kids into physical therapy because some kids have cerebral palsy, and I don’t think we need to put all kids into learning therapy because some kids have dyslexia. My son has speech therapy (he has cleft palate) and just speaking words to him, he couldn’t repeat, but I wouldn’t tell all parents to do speech therapy with their 9-24 month olds, since if it was good for my child, it would be good for all…

Anyways, thanks to all, and esp DadDude, for lots of food for thought.